century plant

Didn't know how to tell her
for over thirty years,
he kept locked up inside himself
and no one saw the tears.
And then she went away,
and he woke up that day
Now he brings roses
to his sweetheart,
she lives most anywhere.
He sees someone sufferin'
he knows that despair.

what a week i have had! i was not at all prepared for the bounty that was laid before me at this training. such solid yet so quiet personalities from so many corners of our state. and i think i had imagined bridging some crevasses between us, but i had never ventured to guess what that would feel like.

this week, i was graced with that opportunity. the feeling has surrounded me like few i can remember so vividly. i am humbled, excited, and certainly dwarfed by the posibilities of our initial groundwork.

it will definitely involve many challenges to create a solid flow of information and agreement between our distant communities, however i honestly believe it is most definitely worth much more than the effort.

when i think of the sheer devastation that can be felt with a diagnosis when living in a more remote location such as durango or weld county, i am frozen. the challenges i have felt early on in my journey with hiv must seem luxurious compared to a similar path in a small town in the middle of the country. a thoughtful connection to somewhere bigger may offer warmth on a very cold evening. and an understanding and inclusive perspective, albeit distant, may expand some boundaries for some.

this is why a colorado coalition of pwa's seems a good idea to me. i don't believe that the oppourtunity for such a thing comes every day. but it is here now. and i think it needs to taken for a test drive.

today's sound choice is from the musical camp- "century plant"

it's just a saturday night

last night i butlered a small rehearsal dinner party for new clients. their 22 year old son is schizo-effective bipolar and has some special needs. he hung around the kitchen after dinner asking me all sorts of questions about living in sf, about ryan white, and about his needing to get outside himself and be around people.

i felt my heart unfurl like a fresh perm in a steamy shower and i realized how very blessed i am to understand this young man's struggle and have patience and an ear.


having dinner with a good friend 2nite. he broke up with his other about a month ago and i haven't had a chance to console him. or really show him support. i have known him since the early 90's and he has been more than a great friend to me. no judgement during the dances with tina, definitely distance, but no judgement.

so it's my turn to be a friend.

already my mental situation of the last couple of days is shifting. this shift is one of the 9th step promises. i don't ever have to feel the way i used to feel again.

The Ninth Step Promises;

If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through.

We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.

We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.

We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace.

No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others.

That feeling of uselessness and self pity will disappear.

We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows.

Self-seeking will slip away.

Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change.

Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us.

We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.

We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.

Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us—sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them.

zazz zu zazz

there are times when being queer is just such a natural state for me. such is the case when i first heard frances faye while living in san francisco. i knew, without a doubt, that she was a kindred queer spirit. she's convivial, brassy, baudy, and over the top. if you haven't heard her, i have included a live clip from 1968. they say the rat pack used to close their show and head up to the desert inn to catch hers when she was in vegas. that defines how hot her shows were. cabaret singer and early activist really, she packed houses, liftged spirits, and made queers like you and me feel normal and welcome. god bless ya, frances faye!

Frances Faye: Entertainer, Musician, Pioneer.



At this site Frances Faye, an underrated singer, gay icon and pioneer, is rediscovered, demystified and rescued from obscurity. Curiously, Frances Faye is not even listed in so-called jazz and pop encyclopedias even though she recorded more than a dozen albums for most major labels of her time: Decca, Capitol, Bethlehem, Verve, Imperial; and smaller labels: International, GNP, Regina and A&M. In addition to her recording career, Frances was a bright star on 52nd Street during its heyday and a fixture in major nightclubs around the world for 45 years. She played to sold out houses for weeks and months on end and even shattered Peggy Lee's record run at New York's famous Basin Street East in the early 60's. Her style and sound changed and evolved a great deal over the years but her unique sense of rhythm and timing remained a strong constant. Yet her achievements in jazz are being overlooked and forgotten. Since this website was launched years ago, it has been the source for many new articles, other websites and the liner notes for all the new CDs.

Faye earned a reputation in the press as a social revolutionary because she did not shy away from warmly including references to homosexuals (or "gay kids") in her act and for being publicly known as bisexual at a time when few other performers dared to do the same. "Frances Faye, gay, gay, is there another way?" she would burst out singing in every show.