sanity sprouts from colorado house bill 1284

Dear Executive Committee and Members of the Legislative Committee:

On Monday, March 22nd HB 1284 was heard in House Judiciary, and although on Thursday we discussed "monitoring" this bill, Friday evening Rep. Massey the bill sponsor called and left a message excited to inform me that he had found a funding source for HB 1033 the SBIRT bill he is carrying for us. This is an actively support bill. I spoke with him on Monday morning and he explained that HB 1284's fiscal note had come in with approximately $2.3 million sales and use tax revenues in the first year and he was going to introduce an amendment to give $1 million to SBIRT and $1 million to substance abuse treatment.
Later that morning I was meeting with Rich Gebhardt who had heard there was an amendment when we were joined by Doyle from CBHC who shared the amendment that was being proposed by Rep. Pace (who sits on Judiciary). Both Rich and I were concerned about the language of the one million that went to treatment. I have attached the amendment L.051 that puts the money in the Indigent Mental health line item. Doyle assured us that the intent was to provide co-occurring treatment services (both substance abuse and mental health) and that she intended to correct. Rich spoke directly to Rep. Massey and Rep. Pace who said they would correct and asked us to support the amendment so the bill would pass out of Judiciary. There were as many as 66 amendments to this bill, so they had quite a job in front of them. This bill alone took about 3 hours to get through the committee.
In preparation for our meeting with Rep. Massey and Rep. Pace we have been talking with CBHC and Doyle has drafted language to replace the language that would have put the money into the indigent mental health line item.

Doyle's New Language:
One million dollars shall be appropriated to the Department of Human Services, Division of Behavioral Health to be used to provide treatment services for adults with co-occurring mental health and substance abuse disorders who are involved in the criminal justice system. This annual appropriation shall create a new line item in the annual appropriation bill specifically to provide for the co-occurring mental health and substance abuse treatment needs of indigent adults involved in the criminal justice system.
Several members would like the dollars to flow through the MSO's and would like that to be our recommendation. Others see this as an opportunity to create a dedicated line item in the DBH budget for "co-occurring treatment services" which I understand is currently not funded by mental health or substance abuse. I also go feedback that we should not restrict the dollars to "indigent adults involved in the criminal justice system" but rather focus on building the co-occurring aspect.
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holiday cheer

On The Ten- Don't Let HIV Boggle Your Mind

i have a wonderfully busy weekend planned. client holiday party today and then 2 parties over the weekend. we have finished the newest edition of the newsletter and it has involved some real changes. curious to see how  it is received. i learn more about this process with each publication. It's name (TEN-Treatment Education Network) comes from a not-for-profit that was started to further education and social networking for hiv+ persons in colorado.

i began a page devoted to recovery support issues in this edition. i am disappointed that all the ASO's (AIDS Service Organizations) and CBO's (Community Based Organizations) did not respond with some information, but I am thrilled with those who did. As a community, a city, and a state, it is my hope that we will see living well and living successfully with hiv a rule rather than an exception and continue growing into that mindset.

i have hinted before about hopes of creating/resurrecting a statewide coalition of support, treatment updates and education, not just for providers, but for those infected and affected citizens as well. this is the first step in making that wish come to fruition.

holiday cheer to you from TEN!!!



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whistle while you work

another week is rounding the bend and i feel good about it. i have discovered a new peace in my life which is becoming a source of comfort. my encounters with clients have seemed to increase recently and quite a few of the clients i have interfaced with previously have returned to talk more. i hope this is an indication that trust is happening.

i have offered most of my home office furniture (all hand me down) to my cousins (brothers) who have recently rented a 4 bedroom house together. what i have is too large for my space and i am in a position to afford to purchase new (already did actually-pictured above) and am excited about reconfiguring the 2nd bedroom at my place.

have been working on a handbook for patients with the assistance of the CAB (community advisory board) from the clinic and my friend jenna from rockethouse designs. it has gone from a 20 page black and white monstrosity to a full-color trifold with a map of the campus and a legend of the new phone tree. hopefully it will present as much more approachable to new patients.

the process for simplifying the intake process for hiv positives at the substance abuse clinic began last friday and i am gratefully included on the committee. our meetings are weekly and process is what we will be focusing on primarily. perhaps curriculum will be down the road. it is really another opportunity to grow and learn to work within the organization and among peers.

my supervisor has requested that we begin a group for our patients. i am again inspired a bit by the prospect to be part of change and anxious to experiment with some of the concepts i encountered at a training last week. it looks as if the group will probably be taking place at our on-campus treatment facility. also a good omen overall.

tomorrow, i am to meet with chris who designs the sin newsletter as we are working on issue 6. i would like to put this puppy to bed and get ready for the next one. my goal is to reorganize this publication and diversify it a bit with the intention of moving it's focus away from just poz gay men into the general poz population and extend it from only metro denver to include all of colorado. a new aspiration is to build a coalition of poz persons statewide which may become useful in these uncertain times ahead of us.



am considering getting outa dodge on saturday, just for an overnight. maybe road-tripping down 285 to get a better spectrum of the magnificent fall color spectacle we are blessed with her. haven't decided on a place to sleep yet, but am sure that will come. am considering buena vista to see mt princeton and go to the hot springs. we'll see what happens.

today's sound choice is not necessarily connected today, but it is a local band. i couldn't find an actual vid for their song, but the audio is what i like anyway. here is single file with "girlfriends"

finally

“Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.”
Ralph Waldo Emerson

this weekend has found me with the urge to really sigh a very big sigh. the project we have been working on since august has finally come to fruition. our not-for-profit papers have finally been filed. i felt like throwing in the towel long ago as my friend who is in this adventure with me has very definite ideas about everything involved.

but the incorporation has been established. the tax id number has been granted. and the 1023 papers have been sent in. when i heard it had actually been mailed, i just lifted my fist over my head and silently shouted "finally".

one can only hope that everything goes well. i am in complete amazement that i am allowed to participate in this particular journey. when i consider the fear and frustration i felt getting clean almost 5 years ago, i can hardly believe i am the same person. this has to be grace. at least it feels like it. you can check out our organization at on the ten.

i was asked to speak at a recovery rally at the state capital this wednesday. i said yes, but am a bit nervous about putting out a good message. again, i am at a loss to think i am on the same bill as the governor. although i have heard he is double booked and we may get mrs. ritter- (who is fantastic!). but i am most proud of the fact that there is a movement here in america to bring to light the fact that recovery does indeed happen and restores sanity and stability to many sectors. this seems a good direction to channel more of our efforts. less incarceration and more recovery.

with these all these amazing things happening around me, dare i believe that more can happen. i can think of at least one more fabulous adventure i would love to take.

the 5th issue of the sin newsletter is ready and up on the ontheten blog. a big thank you to all those who submitted articles or helped in so many ways.

today's sound choice is cece penniston with "finally"

beyond my peripheral vision

Love looks through a telescope; envy, through a microscope. ~Josh Billings

i am taking a counseling class for the next coupla days. i don't know why i get surprised how my heart opens when i relax, but i repeatedly do. maybe that's a blessing somehow. maybe i forget that i still can have naivete.

in participating in this class, of course, we practice counseling skills. and the clients are always portrayed by ourselves. so, when we are honest, some work actually gets done a little on our own stuff, from a very fresh perspective. and that's what i feel here.

i also am reminded that although i have my share of challenges, barriers, and pain to work through, so does everyone else. maybe they don't show theirs as readily as i do, but it's there. and i certainly am not willing to trade my baggage for anyone else's. i know most of mine inside out, but yours is a mystery to me.

my friend michael and i have been working, disagreeing, debating, and compromising to create a place for some of the programs we have going here in denver. we have applied for not-for-profit status, and are hopeful. we have helped organize and nourish a couple of other hiv positive projects to get them off the ground, thinking that they might also be a good fit for what we are doing. now however it seems that there is rumbling that we are too structured and too far from the "community".

i couldn't objectively say whether they are right or wrong. from my perspective, we are part of "the community". but what others see is beyond my peripheral vision. our website is up now - on the ten i have started a new blog which is news and tidbits mostly, but there are some wonderful contributors.



today's sound choice is ani difranco with "32 flavors"

century plant

Didn't know how to tell her
for over thirty years,
he kept locked up inside himself
and no one saw the tears.
And then she went away,
and he woke up that day
Now he brings roses
to his sweetheart,
she lives most anywhere.
He sees someone sufferin'
he knows that despair.

what a week i have had! i was not at all prepared for the bounty that was laid before me at this training. such solid yet so quiet personalities from so many corners of our state. and i think i had imagined bridging some crevasses between us, but i had never ventured to guess what that would feel like.

this week, i was graced with that opportunity. the feeling has surrounded me like few i can remember so vividly. i am humbled, excited, and certainly dwarfed by the posibilities of our initial groundwork.

it will definitely involve many challenges to create a solid flow of information and agreement between our distant communities, however i honestly believe it is most definitely worth much more than the effort.

when i think of the sheer devastation that can be felt with a diagnosis when living in a more remote location such as durango or weld county, i am frozen. the challenges i have felt early on in my journey with hiv must seem luxurious compared to a similar path in a small town in the middle of the country. a thoughtful connection to somewhere bigger may offer warmth on a very cold evening. and an understanding and inclusive perspective, albeit distant, may expand some boundaries for some.

this is why a colorado coalition of pwa's seems a good idea to me. i don't believe that the oppourtunity for such a thing comes every day. but it is here now. and i think it needs to taken for a test drive.

today's sound choice is from the musical camp- "century plant"

beautification

My garden is my most beautiful masterpiece. Claude Monet

the idea of beautification can easily be multi-faceted, but the definition in my head as i scribe is in this vein. a very littered or trash-filled park or neighborhood can undergo a beautification process to get cleaned up and be much more pleasing to the eye. there can be a unifying process that happens in which many different parts be tweaked to make a more cohesive whole.

i daresay that has become the intention of our project in denver this week. we have a small sample of indidivuals from the southern, northern, and western parts of the state, along with more people from our central capitol, together sharing a learning process as well as an empowering process and hopefully becoming a stronger and more connected core.

i am learning so very much this week in many facets. i see there is so much i don't yet know, i am largely increasing my awareness of my fellow coloradans, i am humbled by my gap in understanding peoples' strengths and weaknesses, and i can uncomfortably but quietly see how much growing up i still need to do.

the differences between so many of us seem vast, yet the shared experience of diagnosos and surmounting that barrier is striking and vivid. each persons presence is a witness to the sheer audacity of our human spirit. and it definitely dwarfs the idiosynchratic differences that use to be the only quality i could see in others.

i am proud to be involved in this one-on-one exercise i am today. i am not sure of all the reasons i have landed in one of the leadership positions i have, but i cannot balk. yesterday, there were at least 3 crises with participants that pulled me awsy from my personal agenda, and i was reminded of my capability to deal with crises. and the rest of the class was none the wiser. this hopefully is a sign of my growing up. and becoming a part of a bigger whole.

today's sound choice may be quirky, but somehow apropos in my mind. this is not my favorite musical at all, and yet it seems the lyrics seems to speak directly to my intention here. michael crawford and sarah brightman with "music of the night" from phantom of the opera.