mask

 Bury all your secrets in my skin

Come away with innocence and leave me with my sins

The air around me still feels like a cage

And love is just a camouflage for what resembles rage again

early up today. couldn't sleep actually. i got a call and an email about something that was in the last SIN newsletter. an image was used for its intended purpose and there is some discontent with that image. i have been wrestling with my decision to use it, with the asking of permission, and with the actual complaint. i know that i definitely asked and received permission to use this image. i know that my reason to use it was decent. but i had no idea that it would cause such a ruckus. it doesn't seem real that it would be viewed as an invasion of privacy. it was a public photo and a release was signed for marketing. it is not used at all out of context.

there is a part of me that wonders what the meaning behind this drama is. how is it possible that the 600 copies of the publication that have been distributed only in hiv clinics and community based organizations have made it into the hands of someone so disconnected from the world of hiv and a city of 3 million? and if the messenger of this information was of the "evil axis" kind, how is this publication at fault? what about the intention of the delivery of this message?

and yet there are hurt feelings involved. this is the hardest pill to swallow. no matter what my belief about the charge that has been hurled, at the end of the day it is my responsibility to address it. this kind of result is not okay by me. i don't want to  be the cause of hurt in anyone- at least intentionally. but i cannot foresee all things either. if a photograph is taken, a release is given and signed, it would be safe to assume that when marketing for that product is done, that release would be understood. i guess i will have to be more careful in future. i am learning it is not best to assume anything when it comes to people. and i hope this individual can find the space to heal. from whatever any and all the ailments are.

today's sound choice is definitely a bit quirky. i do love this song and i love the band's image. my local radio station has been playing it for awhile and i always turn it up. here is slipknot with "snuff" it was recorded of jimmy kimmel so you may want to turn it up.... this song takes me back to my high school rock and roll days...




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gentle people

this particular publication has been the most emotional since the 1st. delays and detours have not dampened my spirit. So many wonderful new friends and colleagues have put themselves out and made a contribution. I am humbled by the giving nature of people when given the opportunity.

the next issue is going to be a departure from the 1st six. same subject matter, same real people approach, but the focus will shift slightly, i hope. and i have to thank chris kenry and bruce baillat for their incredible selflessness and talent. i hope you find something that grabs your interest.


Colorado Strength In Numbers Newsletter 6


today's sound choice is gentle people with "emotion heater"

whistle while you work

another week is rounding the bend and i feel good about it. i have discovered a new peace in my life which is becoming a source of comfort. my encounters with clients have seemed to increase recently and quite a few of the clients i have interfaced with previously have returned to talk more. i hope this is an indication that trust is happening.

i have offered most of my home office furniture (all hand me down) to my cousins (brothers) who have recently rented a 4 bedroom house together. what i have is too large for my space and i am in a position to afford to purchase new (already did actually-pictured above) and am excited about reconfiguring the 2nd bedroom at my place.

have been working on a handbook for patients with the assistance of the CAB (community advisory board) from the clinic and my friend jenna from rockethouse designs. it has gone from a 20 page black and white monstrosity to a full-color trifold with a map of the campus and a legend of the new phone tree. hopefully it will present as much more approachable to new patients.

the process for simplifying the intake process for hiv positives at the substance abuse clinic began last friday and i am gratefully included on the committee. our meetings are weekly and process is what we will be focusing on primarily. perhaps curriculum will be down the road. it is really another opportunity to grow and learn to work within the organization and among peers.

my supervisor has requested that we begin a group for our patients. i am again inspired a bit by the prospect to be part of change and anxious to experiment with some of the concepts i encountered at a training last week. it looks as if the group will probably be taking place at our on-campus treatment facility. also a good omen overall.

tomorrow, i am to meet with chris who designs the sin newsletter as we are working on issue 6. i would like to put this puppy to bed and get ready for the next one. my goal is to reorganize this publication and diversify it a bit with the intention of moving it's focus away from just poz gay men into the general poz population and extend it from only metro denver to include all of colorado. a new aspiration is to build a coalition of poz persons statewide which may become useful in these uncertain times ahead of us.



am considering getting outa dodge on saturday, just for an overnight. maybe road-tripping down 285 to get a better spectrum of the magnificent fall color spectacle we are blessed with her. haven't decided on a place to sleep yet, but am sure that will come. am considering buena vista to see mt princeton and go to the hot springs. we'll see what happens.

today's sound choice is not necessarily connected today, but it is a local band. i couldn't find an actual vid for their song, but the audio is what i like anyway. here is single file with "girlfriends"

local flavor

spent the day near bear creek yesterday. actually in kittridge. it seems so easy to forget just how peaceful and simply beautiful the mountain locations are all around me. i worked a 90th birthday celebration which consisted of 4 generations of a family in a creekside location. the house was built in 1909 and was a monster at that time. it remains impressive, but what is more memorable is the actual parcel of land and the footprint of the house on that terrain. my heart opened immediately upon arrival. no doubt it was a fantastic place to grow up and hone an imagination.

today is an active day, too. i live in a set of rowhouses by the park. we are installing insulation today in the attics for what should be obvious reasons. i imagine that will take most of my day somehow. i have some additional work to do on the next newsletter, and i am attempting to help redesign the patient handbook at work. it was plenty outdated. maybe i can get in a movie, too.

here is a recipe for one of my favorite summer salads this year.(it's from food and wine)

Ingredients
2 Granny Smith apples (about 1 pound)—quartered lengthwise, cored and thinly sliced crosswise
1 small sweet onion, such as Vidalia, quartered lengthwise and thinly sliced crosswise
One 3-inch piece of ginger, peeled and cut into 1/8-by-2-inch matchsticks
1/2 cup finely grated peeled fresh coconut
3 tablespoons fresh lemon juice
2 tablespoons finely shredded basil
Salt and freshly ground pepper
Lemon Verbena Oil
Directions
Toss the apples with the onion, ginger, coconut, lemon juice and basil. Season with salt and pepper. Add 3 tablespoons of Lemon Verbena Oil and toss; serve.

peace.... and hava pleasant summer sunday...

today's sound choice is a colorado band. here is meese with "the start of it"

melancholy

another mixed bag today. there was another series of setbacks in redoing things at home. the white paint i had for some touch up and to cover a cabinet in the bathroom didn't hold up from its last use. when i put the new drapes up, the hardware didn't hold up to the weight of the lined belgian linen. everything toppled on the floor. my cousin borrowed my vacuum and the brand new carpeting needs a combing like there is no tomorrow. and to top it off, i moved my houseplants to the patio while my kitchen and bathroom were painted. the sun singed three of them. they are gonners.

then, i received a letter from the i.r.s. today. naturally i got nervous when i saw the envelope and had to find a quiet place to open her up. it was addressed to treatment education network and here is what it said.....

Dear Applicant:

We are pleased to inform you that that upon review of your application for the exempt status we have determined that you are exempt from Federal income tax under section 501(c)3 of the Internal Revenue Code. You are also qualified to receive tax deductible bequests, devises, transfers or gifts under section 2055, 2106, or 2522 of th Code. Because this letter could help resolve any questions regarding your exempt status, you should keep it in your permanent records.

Organizations exempt under section 501(c)3 of the Code are further classified as either public charities or private foundations. We determined that you are a public charity under the Code section listing in the heading of this letter.

wish i could be more excited.


today's sound choice is colorado's own the fray with a cover version of kanye west's "heartless"