rocky mountain september

it is a whirlwind couple of weeks in my life. i can't begin to say how freeing it feels to be so busy and yet be growing on so many levels. at risk of sounding repetitive, (oops too late!), life continues to expand in ways i never dreamed possible.

i went to grand lake with some of the strength in numbers boys, and we frolicked in the mountains for a few autumn days. there was hiking, walking, bowling, dining, mountain driving, campfiring, and lotsa fun. i am embarrased to say i discovered (and loved) fruit rollups. i met new friends from dc, dallas, taos, as well as denver.

there was a group of college students from a baptist college in kansas who had never met anyone hiv positive before. now they had 15 of us in their midst. a couple of the guys were really afraid i think, but for the most part they allowed their human side to emerge.

there was some drinking going on with many of the guys. i didn't get involved, but i couldn't help but notice. interestingly, a friend who is also in recovery was asking quietly for beers before i arrived. none if this is any of my business. but i do find it noteworthy. in my life, i have come to realize that part of what i hope to do is help people find their way back to sane from some kind of crazy. so i need to be very clear that i am not in judgement about where someone is at or what they imbibe.

i met a man who has recently stopped doing meth. he has about 9 months clean but still drinks. this is something i was never able to do. it is also something i am not interested in doing, either. i have reaffirmed that i am feeling balanced, which took me 46 years to understand, so i am not interested in undoing any of that. after all, it may be a delicate balance.

i have posted the photos from the trip of fb, so i encourage you to take a gander. a smidgeon of the beauty that is the rocky mountains is hinted at. i hope we get to do another of these next year.

i purchased the new lemonheads cd for the drive and i wasn't let down. i simmered in its juices both up and down the mountain.

today's sound choice is "layin up with linda" from the 2009 release "varshons". it gets a big smile on my face every time i hear it. this is a clear example of why i worship music. there are so many facets....

beautiful

i am taking a 2-day domestic violence class with tomorrow being the end. it has been quite interesting and has stirred some echoes in me. however it strangely seems safe and okay. the tough situations i have been blessed to survive and the self deprecating emotions they branded onto my psyche remain tombed(i am not my past).i was amazed as i listened to a list and description of personality traits that are displayed by dv offenders. it reads like an "eek" list or a "what to do when i'm frightened" playbook. i guess i never realized that such violence could emanate from a place of fear, although i am very aware that it leaves much fear in its wake. but it makes lotsa sense when i break it down.

am headed to grand lake for the weekend and will be staying a shadowcliff lodge. i am hoping it doesn't rain on saturday so i can go on the trail ridge hike. and i will suffer through bowling on saturday night. maybe i'll even have a few laughs. and i picked up a copy of swish to read while i'm there.

i'll be taking the laptop, but i won't be doing much more than checking fb and my email. back on sunday and i need a getaway.

today's sound choice is the mighty mighy evan dando and the lemonheads with their sombre and striking version of "beautiful" sorry... i just love the lemonheads

melancholy

another mixed bag today. there was another series of setbacks in redoing things at home. the white paint i had for some touch up and to cover a cabinet in the bathroom didn't hold up from its last use. when i put the new drapes up, the hardware didn't hold up to the weight of the lined belgian linen. everything toppled on the floor. my cousin borrowed my vacuum and the brand new carpeting needs a combing like there is no tomorrow. and to top it off, i moved my houseplants to the patio while my kitchen and bathroom were painted. the sun singed three of them. they are gonners.

then, i received a letter from the i.r.s. today. naturally i got nervous when i saw the envelope and had to find a quiet place to open her up. it was addressed to treatment education network and here is what it said.....

Dear Applicant:

We are pleased to inform you that that upon review of your application for the exempt status we have determined that you are exempt from Federal income tax under section 501(c)3 of the Internal Revenue Code. You are also qualified to receive tax deductible bequests, devises, transfers or gifts under section 2055, 2106, or 2522 of th Code. Because this letter could help resolve any questions regarding your exempt status, you should keep it in your permanent records.

Organizations exempt under section 501(c)3 of the Code are further classified as either public charities or private foundations. We determined that you are a public charity under the Code section listing in the heading of this letter.

wish i could be more excited.


today's sound choice is colorado's own the fray with a cover version of kanye west's "heartless"

cruzin to the cottage

well i am off to the grand lake colorado for a 4 day retreat at the shadowcliff lodge. it is the 1st getaway i have had since last october. i hope it's restful. i definitely need to get outta dodge.

i will be staying with a host of others at the hiv retreat. since the late
80's, the lodge has hosted hiv retreats. the owners lost their son to aids and began the tradition and a colleague took over the management of such a couple of years ago. personally, i am thankful to them all.

previously, i had mentioned that i had been offered some contract work and financial support from the state to publish the newsletter. well, it also would include supporting 2 or 3 of these retreats next summer as well as the monthly educational forums. sometimes i wonder how i landed here. so i guess i need to experience it if i am going to truly understand what i am helping to promote and support.

3 work-industry colleagues as well as a guy i dated for a very short time are going to be there. i am hoping boundaries will apply with all of these characters. or at least me.

but today, i am more focused on getting away and chillin'. i'm taking the laptop, but am not sure about posting.

ps. the post title is from a playlist i love from a canadian dj- his name is nick. you can download his work at his site. here's one of my favorite road trip grooves of the last few years (it's at least 10 years old or so, but i still love it)... here's to the weekend! kiss kiss in the rearview