the promises

“If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.

Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us — sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them.”

today i was sharing about how my whole attitude towards life has changed. i have fucked up so many opportunities and good situations in my life. it's pretty much been non stop fuckups and wasted potential since i was a tween. and being loaded was often if not always in the mix. i cannot remember a time, when deep down, i didn't feel that i was a piece of shit, or less than, or undeserving.

so when i got clean, and finally let loose of my ego's hold on my life, and worked through the steps with a sponsor, i began to not always believe those things about myself. i mean, i have always felt that way about my life, and now i don't have to believe that about myself. i still drift to those thoughts now and again, but i no longer stay there, or rest there, or live there. this is a huge change in my outlook on life and in my experience of life in general.

the other fantastic part of my perception that has shifted is that i can now feel the love, care, and support of others. i am sure that it has always been there, but i have never been able to take it in until i went through this process. i can live with myself not being perfect, making mistakes, and still feel love and support. this has rocked my world into a new dimension.

the promises continue to come true in my life.