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Tuesday, December 23, 2008

eleven on a prayer

on the 11th day of christmas we meditated. we sought through both prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with god, as we understood her, praying ONLY for knowledge for her will for us and the power to carry that out.

"What used to be the hunch or the occasional inspiration gradually becomes a working part of the mind. (That's a promise, but here's a warning.) Being still inexperienced and having just made conscious contact with God, it is not probable that we are going to be inspired at all times. We may pay for this presumption in all sorts of absurd actions and ideas. Nevertheless, we find that our thinking WILL, as time passes, be more and more on the plane of inspiration. We come to rely upon it." (That's another promise.)
To protect ourselves from absurd actions and ideas, we MUST test our thoughts to separate self-will from God's Will. Our identifying God's Will needs time to grow, so it is important to discuss these inspirations or thoughts with a sponsor or spiritual advisor. In the 12 and 12 on page 60, it also says, "Going it alone in spiritual matters is dangerous. How many times we have heard well-intentioned people claim the guidance of God when it was all to plain they were sorely mistaken."

another correspondence (3rd) comes through facebook... i am not bothered enough to post it. i was this person's secret santa one office i work with and i gave them a copy of pema chodron's "when things fall apart" and a copy of the cd "quiet letters" by bliss. on the card i wrote "these are a few of my favorite things"...the fb wordpoo reflected that evening involved an observation that my choosing something with that title was personal and how ironic because their life is anything but falling apart. my goodness, the gift was simply a couple of things i love. it also indicated that their therapist as well as their sponsor have only just commented over the weekend that it is coming together.

well, i am very happy about that. i certainly hope it does come together. sadly, all i have seen is defensively and whinily written doodoo that indicates the originator is in real pain. it seems full of stench and writhes with finger pointing, so it is worth praying on. i don't know where the service work has gone in what they do, because it is not visible or evident. probably it is back in the shadows. i remember what life on the dark side was, and so i will use that memory to recall and meditate.

the tone concerns me as it sounds a little like a dry drunk to me. or perhaps some meds have stopped working. however, most importantly, is the not-wellness that is rearing its head. i have been praying for this person and continue to do so. it does resemble watching a bear bumble and stumble around after being hit by a tranquilizer gun. and i continue to learn (often with some pain) that this is not about me. the resentment seems to be about me but the drama is not. evidently though, it will continue to swirl around me.

i really dislike confrontation. i don't like NOT being liked. a 4th message has been posted at fb. it is with regard to looking forward to work evaluations. after i see it, i get a call from my supervisor calling a special meeting tomorrow morning. i find myself with some panic and with some relief. maybe i need to air my concerns. maybe i need to cut back on my schedule. maybe it's time for a change. no doubt a path will emerge. it is an opportunity to grow.

i have faith i will know what to do.

Whooah, were half way there
Livin on a prayer
Take my hand and well make it - I swear
Livin on a prayer

on the 11th day of christmas, my true love gave to me-
11 hours of prayer and meditation
a 10 carat sparkle with a question to answer with yes or no
at least 9 promises
a thoughtful way to eng8ge a toxic cleanup
a 7th day to rest, reflect, and recharge
a 6 foot carriage to safety
a 5 alarm avalanche
a brand new self portrait, a new way to see "me" in 4 dimensions
a decision in 3 parts- i can't, god can, i think i'll let her
a 2nd chance
an opportunity to learn to listen and be heard

sound choice for today is a cutie about my age... bon jovi with "livin on a prayer" almost worth checking out just for the hair..

p.s. in reviewing this post, i realize it's a tad judgemental and reactionary (understatement). but i will leave it in because i need a reminder of how much work i have left to do.


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