i received a call from a probation officer the other day with regards to someone i have been working with. a few months ago during a group session, there seemed to be a shift for several of the members and they went a little deeper into themselves and shared what was going on. there were quite a few tears, quite a lot of exposed feelings and some growth (i hope) ensued.Emptiness and just a memory
love is gone with nothing left for me
al those wasted feelings for something I no longer have
I never knew that love could hurt so bad
Winter melody, winter melody, winter melody
play for me, just for me,... Donna Summer
one of the members was visibly shaken by all this honesty and introspection. he was affected by the whole thing and stopped coming to group. the audacity of people feeling their feelings and expressing that was just like the midday sun burning his heart's eyes. he retreated back into the shade of his mind and changed his course.
unfortunately with probation, one is sentenced to complete tasks if one is to progress. so he is now looking for alternative ways to finish his requirements. he is looking to complete this without the witnessing by a group at all. This is possible, but it requires cash, as individual therapy is more costly than group sessions, for obvious reasons.
this particular individual has a history of frozen feelings and whacked anger issues, and i wonder if all this is simply part of a spectrum of events that are leading to his "thaw". he has been afraid to feel his feelings for quite some time and has made grand gestures and engaged in activities to avoid doing just that. now that he has no access to those things, and has stopped self-medicating, he finds himself closer to his own truth. and when tears and honesty confronted him, he panicked and ran, because that's what he's become accustomed to doing. but he has a wonderful opportunity to take a look at his life, notice the fear, and address it anyway.
we'll see what happens. but i know that witnessing lives change is one of the blessings in my career. change is hard, but just as in any good thaw, it can clean away so much dirt and debris and leave things in much better condition. but damn, in mid-winter, when things are frozen and dry and dead, it is almost impossible to envision an oasis like spring. i hope he can find enough faith and hope to make the journey.
i've been hoping to post today's sound choice for awhile now. i remember this song so well, and it used to pry open my heart with just one bridge. here is donna summer with "winter melody"