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Tuesday, December 8, 2009


A modern replica of a Victorian zoetropeA zoetrope is a device that produces an illusion of action from a rapid succession of static pictures. The term zoetrope is from the Greek words ζωή - zoe, "life" and τρόπος - tropos, "turn". It may be taken to mean "wheel of life"...wikipedia

wow! has it been cold in colorado this week.  a pipe in my bathroom froze last week- no damage- just no shaving in the bathroom one morning. we put insulation in the attic last summer and had neglected the pipe-insulation to follow, but that has been remedied now. my unit is staying much warmer than i would have guessed, but it is still very very cold outside.

the holidays are here and somehow i'm a bit frozen. for all my jabber about living in love, i realize that there is much much work to do to actually walk the walk. no need to highlight the drama here, but i do need to process my thought patterns a bit. i have found myself slipping into a defensive mindset- becoming reactionary and then not pausing a bit (when i know that's best) but speaking what is on my mind at that time.

believe me, this is not winning me friends, nor is it influencing people. it is creating chasms between myself and others and causing me to look at myself at ways i would rather not. perhaps the biggest lesson in all of this is humility though. way down at the pile of shit that i feel is here, there may be a need for me to own my own behavior in ways i have not taken the time to do prior to this.

the fact that there is work to do is clear, however, another piece of this particular puzzle may be perspective, too. balance, after all, is part of the game. there is no up without down. how could recognize seamless without tattered? in every day there is light after dark, just as there is dark after light. it can become so simple to forget the spectrum when the pendulum is swinging one way or the other. and sadly, i am not genius enough to step above the fray here.

learning to accept the situation and work with the resistance is the path i would love to choose every time. my natural instinct is not this path. i naturally veer to a position of defense and then defenselessness as they seem to go hand in hand. i react (out of fear) and then find some sort of collateral damage in the wake.

newsflash- this is how it's always been. i have been so caught up in my "wheel of life" that i haven't been able to see my role, nor any real way up to another level. until now i hope.

so, if it's cold outside and i'm hunkering down and looking inward these days, maybe even rearranging the furniture or the layout of my home, i can only trust that the changes are wholesome and have a lasting positive influence.

can i just say here that i have been listening to adam freeland's "back to mine" collection for the last few days, and i find that melancholy has swept into my world. this is a much more modern compilation and much more moody as well. very electronica based, and peppered with pathos and some dischord. no doubt it has influenced my mindset. that is what music is for. anyway i love this cut that is today's sound choice. here is "zoetrope" from boards of canada.



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