1974

the 1970's were a tumultous decade for many gay people. stonewall had ushered in the birth of new energy all over the states. it had become imperative to come out and to be seen as gay.

1974 was a very tumultuous year for me. i was in my 2nd year of my 2nd year of high school (didn't attend much of the 1st try) and i was a loose cannon. i had been sexually active for years already, but my hormones had gone haywire. i could barely be in my skin at any time of day or night. i had already been getting high pretty regularly.

i was living in the chicago suburbs and had been going traveling on amtrak to hang out a gay bathhouse in andersonville (man's country) once or twice a month. i had even hung out at the bistro, the annex, and pq's. impressive because i had only been 15.

my mother had been in an unsuccessful relationship. she had been drinking heavily and was moody and depressed a lot. naturally, i felt it was my fault, as i was a darling narcissist. so on my 16th birthday, i left home and moved in an apartment with a puerto rican drag queen named danee'. she was doing shows around the smaller clubs, like carol's speakesy broadway, and then on halsted.

but before i moved out, i attended my very 1st gay pride parade in chicago in the summer of 1974. life was all so astounding for me at that point. i remember the revelry, and i remember the camaraderie. i felt i truly had found home. i didn't stand out as the only sissy. the only queer. i didn't stand out much at all- (a different kind of trauma to be discerned much later on).

the journey that unfolded from that point had more circuitous nuances than i could have imagined. but at least i didn't have to feel as alone i had in my life thus far. happy pride weekend! pride and 1974 are two of the best things that ever happened to me...

the everchanging expression of pride

today's huddle was packed to the highest number we've seen since inception. i am not sure if it was because we had scheduled a picnic in recognition of pride or if guys just felt like they needed some sense of community being on the thresh hold of all the pridefest debauchery that is just being set to simmer. it rained quite a bit and we didn't end up going outside to meet. the number thinned out a bit early, and i guess i kinda walked away thinking many folks did need a touchstone of some sort.

we talked about what pride means to us at the present stage of our lives. the responses and connections to that idea were as faceted as the guys present. there were several that talked about pride being a family event- a time when family members got together and made new memories. a few mentioned that they loved the social aspect. they got to see people they only saw once a year and it held good memories. a couple of guys talked about shame. they hated the filming of the parade stuff on tv because the ass less chaps guys and the twinkies in hot pants and no shirts always made the 6 oclock news. they felt is set back the idea of acceptance with their families greatly every time mom and dad watched the "freak show".

several mentioned that they don't remember a sober pride and were kinda looking forward to a new adventure. but they had reservations about temptation and their own abilities to avoid joining the crowd mentality. one guy said he had come to believe that the pride celebration was for the young people. it was to let younger gay people experience some high level feel good about being who they are. another man reported that he always used to look around him for a sense of pride, but this year had decided to turn inward to find his inspiration. and one of the last guys to share said he had never known a pride when he wasn't fucked up. several years, while living in another city, he had stumbled out of the baths on pride day and into the middle of the parade. since he is actively working on sobriety in his life, this year will no doubt hold some surprises.

it was also interesting that several people weren't really clear about the stonewall inn and the riots of 1969. they had an idea, but were not informed nor connected to the history of gay pride. we talked a little about the "it gets better" campaign and it was universally agreed that dan savage's brainstorm is a welcome addition to our group conscious.

it would seem that gay pride- pride- is an evolution. it starts as one thing and moves towards something very different- naturally or not. pride is very much alive. i know i definitely basked in its glow for awhile today...

this tree grew in the village

Somewhere over the rainbow
Skies are blue,
And the dreams that you dare to dream
Really do come true.

there is a bartender at the historic stonewall inn nyc. he was working there 40 years ago when the legendary stonewall riots happened. with stories full of glory, full of hope, and full of emotion, he has certainly become a storyteller of legend for the american lgbtq community.

this year, he was the grand marshall of the pride festival in colorado springs. friend karl beck got the chance to ask him a few questions after a brief conversation about the events that weekend of the riots. judy garland had overdosed that week and it had shot shards of grief throughout the burrough. to top it off, the heat and humidity had risen to levels that encroached unbearable. but the roots of revolt, rebellion, and self-respect took hold as well.

here is the brief conversation between karl and tree. i, for one, am proud to once again salute the 40 year commemorative to our community's season of love.....

Interview with Tree
The Colorado Springs Pride-fest had as their grand marshal Tree the bartender at the Stonewall Inn on the infamous night 40 years ago. I had the chance to sit and talk with him for a little while and found an interesting character. He is now 70 years old and stays young by visiting Brazil three times a year where he has an apartment. He has been a bartender for 48 years.
K: Were you at the funeral? (for those not in the know, the funeral of Judy Garland was that afternoon.)
T: I was in line with friends, and as Liza Minnelli and Lorna Luft went by and saw me they said they would get me into the services as I was a family friend. My friends with me in line threatened to kill me if I went so I stayed with them.
K: Do you believe that the funeral of one of our icons was a trigger for the riots that weekend?
T: Lorna says it was the funeral that acted as a catalyst, Liza an myself think that we had had enough of the mistreatment.
K: How old were you at the time of the riots?
T: I was 30 and in the closet with family.
K: Do you have a boyfriend/lover?
T: I am single now, but have had two long term relationships. I was dating the son of one of the ambassadors to the US until a car crash resulted in his death. The other relationship ended when he found a woman and got married. I now have godchildren, and we are still friends.
K: Tree is an unusual name, what is your heritage?
T: My family was originally from Russia, and my name is just “tree”.
K: Who threw the 1st punch?
T: According to Tree, a lesbian by the name of Stormy De Lavette was the first to push a cop. She is now 89 years old.
He told me that New York should have been the first state in the US to give same sex couples the right to marry. When asked about HIV/AIDS he commented that “He buried a generation.”

you can read more from tree at metromix here

today's sound choice is a recording of "somewhere over the rainbow" from 40 years ago in copenhagen by judy garland. it's no wonder she sparked the emotions of a generation.

pride- i believe in love, too...

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today's sound choice is definitely old school. barbra streisand with "i believe in love" from a star is born.....

forever with pride 2008

yes, it's here... gay pride weekend 2008 in denver is here. i am not necessarily prepared, but i will participate none-the-less. and i'm happy to do so. i cannot say how it will all play out. a friend is back from california for the weekend, but i have a full calendar and many not get to see him. i am working our booth at the festival both days, but thankfully it is only 3 hours per day. pride is traditionally a very very hot hot weekend- temperature wise. last year, i had tried to create a safe sober space for people in recovery to hang, as triggers can be a challenge at such events. i hope someone picks up that gauntlet this year.

everyone makes it out this weekend at some point. and i think it is good for the soul to become part of this pridefest mulligatawny for awhile. it's right-sizing in a way. there are so many of us in so many sizes and flavors. i forget this sometimes.

i have already done a pride post this month, however, gay pride represents something bigger for me than one post. there is much to celebrate locally, but on the national scene there is much more. i am quietly ecstatic that marriage for our culture is moving into the mainstream if only in one state. young gay men and women will now have a partnership ideal to move towards that can expand their ideas of what is possible in this life.

love certainly won't be easier, but the baggage we bring to it will perhaps be lessened. and perhaps this is a leveller of the playing field that queer folks have fought in so fervently since stonewall, and quietly dared to dream for with baited breath while loving secretly in the shadows for centuries.

i'm not prepared to marry today, this weekend, or even this year, but i definitely am happy that there is now 1 less thing gay men and women have to battle in their struggles with self esteem in our culture. life is challenging enough without running into inequality and disdain at so many turns.

now, hopefully, forever may have just been given a deeper, richer, more fortified meaning for our rainbow clan. forever can mean...forever and ever... amen.