hard work

one of my very dearest friends celebrated his birthday yesterday. i have plans to go to chicago next weekend  to see him and celebrate his journey. i haven't been to chicago for almost 2 years it's actually so long ago that it's hard to remember ever actually living there. but i did, and there are several folks there who still sweeten my cuppa tea. it's funny, cuz in many of the pics i see of him, he is always wearing shirts i gave him 5 or more years ago. it makes me laugh. so i got him several new shirts to add to the collection. maybe each time he wears them he feels a big hug from me.

i haven't taken a vacation in over 2 years. i have gone away for work, but not really just a getaway to lather up in fun and frolic. his condo is on north lake shore drive. the view is spectacular. every moment there, i will be aware that i am somewhere else. i am thinking this is some therapy i may need.

my friend turned 55 this year. eeeegaaad! how the hell did we find ourselves here. "i don't think we're in kansas anymore" hardly skims the surface. most of my friends are at the half century mark. whether we are more blissful or not i cannot honestly say, but i do believe we have gotten better. better at working a room, better at knowing our own hearts, better at helping a friend, better at the giving of comfort, and better at receiving both praise and criticism. whatever else can be said, 50 plus is hard work. worth doing and worth rejoicing.

this particular friend is part of a small circle of guys that dramatically changed my life back in the late 70's-early 80's. like a groundhog, they helped me learn to pop my head out of the ground and look around a bit. they reinforced in me the importance of giving to others and trying to live right-minded. strange words coming from a recovering addict i am sure, but definitely my truth. this trip will herald in my holiday season. i can feel the excitement starting to build. this is part of the fun, no?
i cracked open another installment of the "back to mine" cd collection. this one is from carl cox and it seems to have a home spun flavor i cannot help but love.a little house-y and a little jazz-y  it reminds me of what was once home.  many of the cuts reflect much of my own musical history. today's sound choice is captain john handy with "hard work"



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and on the 7th day

Thank You, for this opportunity for a new beginning in my life and a chance to be a part of the solutions in life instead of the problems. Please grant me wisdom, knowledge and strength as I go out from here to do Your work and live the Victorious Life You designed for me.

some days, it is said, are not days to push forward. better perhaps for reflection, resting our heads, and making way for rejuvenation. and on the 7th day he rested has been written. before i close my eyes to engage that refueling process, i send a message back to home base asking for further instruction and guidance. i am now conscious of the very idea that i am not alone, but am part of a team. i am part of a mission and no longer act alone.

relief comes to me today on different levels. i get much needed rest and i get reinforcement. and all with the simple words.. help me

on the 7th day of christmas, my true love gave to me..
a 7th day to rest, reflect, and recharge
a 6 foot carriage to safety
a 5 alarm avalanche
a brand new self portrait, a new way to see "me" in 4 dimensions
a decision in 3 parts- i can't, god can, i think i'll let her
a 2nd chance
an opportunity to learn to listen and be heard

my example today- the following was posted on facebook today. it is someone i know very well who is struggling with a parent with alzheimers and a relationship that is breaking off. i believe the "ones" mentioned include me and immediately took offense. however, when i ask for my defects to be removed in the situation- my ego- i realize this is not about me at all. i now need to meditate on how i can be of service.

I miss my recovery from California. Shit I dream about it about 4 times a week. I miss the diversity of California, so much more than the fuckin' redneck, recovery wanna-bees that I find in Denver.

I swear, once my mum is gone, I'll leave this town in my dust.

Really, I do not know a single Gay man in this town whom I trust. The ones I did trust in early recovery still have some serious mental health issues, and remind me of egomaniacs with no self esteem.

I lived in San Francisco for 20 years total. From 76 to 99, and was clean and sober there for 7 of them. There's a lot of drunks and drug addicts there, and because of it, there is some GREAT recovery there.

None of this cliicky, cow-town sobriety.

I hate to sound so negative tonight, it's just that I am disillusioned with this town.

Here is my truth today.

I must keep my side of the street clean.

I must embrace and encourage others to be their full potential. Talk is CHEAP.

Thank God for the rooms of AA and for the people who continually show me how to do it.

Thank God I do this life my life depends on it.

today's sound choice is a fave from back in tha day- ramsey lewis and earth wind and fire with "sun goddess"