warriors

image credit kirby sattler

i have been asked to emcee the world aids day remembrance in denver this year on december 1. it's a mixed bag for me. firstly, i would be blind not to realize that the problems that stem from aids are so much more daunting in other parts of the world. africa, india, cambodia, thailand just to name a few. the poverty levels that are part of the local cultures there exacerbate any of the ingrained issues of an hiv diagnosis. folklore, customs, traditions, belief systems, lack of education all lend themselves to help fuel an atmosphere of both internalized and external judgement around a diagnosis in many parts around the globe.

here in denver, there are no obviously visible signs of this. at least that we bother to look at. but there still is stigma here. and go outside denver, and the environment is completely different in rural colorado. in all of america i would presume. the passage of the anti gay-marriage legislation that has just taken place in four or so states around this nation attests to the fact that although fear and ignorance may not carry the day in metropolitan areas, they are alive and well around the rest of the country. and this creates an environment of nonacceptance, judgement, and fear for an hiv diagnosis.

you must be gay.... or bi.... or shoot drugs are perhaps the first thoughts that come to mind when it is disclosed. and i think those thoughts come to mind for the persons who are infected. this must be a punishment for my actions. i am evil.... i have been tainted.....i am not lovable.

these thoughts- and i believe they are real in people who are living with the virus- kick start a state of denial, secrecy, and ultimately the perpetuation and spread of the virus.

now i know that none of this is news. this is not an earth shattering post. i guess my question, as we approach another world aids day, is "what are you doing to stop the perpetuation of this environment of discord we have in our own backyard?" how do we resist the ease and comfort of letting it be someone else's problem? how do we help to unlock the shackles of guilt and judgement for the increasing numbers of minorities and impoverished americans who are undergoing seroconversion? how do we include this issue in the package of gay and lesbian civil liberties and become proactive and inclusive. how do we start to wrap ourselves in a rainbow flag and actually embody the concept?

i guess it starts with me.....

today's sound choice is definitely one of my alltime favorite artists... here is laura nyro performing "will you still love me tomorrow"

thanks to richard kearns at aids-write for the heads-up on this vid.

take me away

i will be arriving in la later this evening. the itinerary includes a trip to southbay- manhattan beach, including at least one (possibly 3) amends left from the tweaking days. i have faith that my intentions are good and that i can withstand any direction these may take. i have support in place, too. then i will attend a conference for a couple of days including workshops and meetings. i will be afforded the opportunity to spend time with some friends, including marc the trash whisper, and then i want to visit another fellow blogger who has been an inspiration to me. he has a blog titled aids-write and spearheads an advocacy program for medical marijuana. his name is richard kearns. he writes poetry, he is an activist, and he is a long term aids survivor. hopefully i can interview him a little and i will try to post it on the international carnival or somewhere along those lines.

"what's next" is a question rolling around my head even through this lovely weekend. and to tell the truth, i honestly don't know what is next. i am trying to get right with that fact. that i really don't know and that no matter what, not knowing is okay. and not knowing is where i need to be.

i do have faith that something really wonderful is beginning to happen in my world. i cherish that idea and hopefully am making room for that to move into my life.

and truth be told, i have been immersed in one segment of my life the last couple of weeks. it's been pretty hard to really look beyond that little nano-drama. and this is something that needs to change soon.

hard working hero

i have become friends with richard kearns at aids-write.org since i started this blog. i have actually made a few friends that have really touched my heart and changed the direction in my way of thinking on many issues. richard is one of those. he has tagged me, and i have responded(and i'm glad i did). today, i am reminded i have never really been a foe of marijuana/cannabis, but i have never really been an advocate. i used to really love it in my teens, and then i just thought it made me stupid. since i have become a drug counselor my opinion of it has changed and i don't find it's recreational use quite as amusing as i did in the past.

but, to be honest, i had never really considered its pain and symptom relieving qualities and the importance of such until i came across richards blogs. his advocacy work and his tirelessness amaze me. i find myself tuckered out just reading his blog.

this is a reminder to me that i don't understand everything, and it might be to my benefit to keep an open mind with things that i really don't know about.

richard has begun a new blog: cannabis patient voice and i ran across this poem which he read to the la-city plum committee back in may. i find it compelling and trust it will have an effect on you as well.

chers—
here are my remarks prepared & delivered to the la-city planning & land use management committee earlier today, may 15, 2007, urging them to move forward with the medical cannabis regulation process. there must have been a couple of dozen of us there.



the city clerk’s report was unavailable at the time of the meeting, so a vote on the item was deferred until next week. i’ll be back with more to say next week too.



namasté



—lyr



my name is richard kearns. i am a 55-year-old gay man alive with AIDS in los angeles for more than 20 years. i am a medical cannabis patient & advocate. a citizen journalist & poet. i speak today in favor of regulating medical cannabis. this is my open poem calling for a city that’s a good place to die [5-15-2007].



to the self-appointed
hall monitors with
machine guns
uninformed about the law
sure about the criminals
killing us with pretense
& to all their many poisoned ears



who are you
to tell me how
to sing the blues?
i am the blues
i ring the blues out loud
for you: hear me now
these are the 1983
denver AIDS principles
in song: we are persons
with AIDS, we are, we must be
expert voices hearkened to
in all public health
policy dialogs about
our lives & deaths & our disease
the refrain is the same for
medical cannabis



here are the blues
i sing to you
our city must be
not only a good
place to live
but also also a
good place to die

this day’s challenge? to
create a greater good
with our land use wisdom



who are you
to tell me how
to sing the blues?
listen to my song
medical cannabis
saves lives
medical cannabis
can save more lives
medical cannabis
is the single most significant
in-place but unaccessed
AIDS treatment option
available today
in los angeles
for the more than
60,000 persons
livng here with
AIDS & HIV disease
& we represent
only 25 clandestined percent
of the medical cannabis community



i’m here
i’m queer
i medicate
here is my song
the time is ripe
to regulate
help us create
livable lives & deaths
who are you
to tell me how
to sing the blues?
i am the blues
song & singer
tap your foot & hum & listen
before i’m gone



namasté

and he sent me this one today: not sure if he published it yet or not, but i couldn't help but include it.... it's sooo tender.

i write on the page

i feel its emptiness

fill



& when i read i stand

not in the room but

there in ruins in

battered fields in

harvest in lost in burnt in

unfindable wreckage

home

rebuilt plus

richard kearns from aids-write -writer, activist, humanitarian, and angeleno, celebrated his 700th post recently with 3 poems. here is one.

true
as truth
distinct
as laughter
familiar
as dream
unforgotten
the way blossoms
grow from
poems
writ in seeds
each journey’s eye
opens in
one city

all roads
go there
all promises
all satisfactions
depart in
the company of
travelers
moving on

ask your heart