inspiration

today, i am remembering how broken i was when i stopped doing meth. i had been homeless for about 6 months, drifting around southern california and finally ending up back in denver. i was couch surfing, dumpster diving, freeloading, and had started down a more criminal minded path. i didn't recognize who i was anymore, and i realized somewhere inside of me that i wasn't strong enough for that life forever.
i came to denver not having any real sense of how difficult the year and a half ahead of me was to be. i was not at all prepared for the depression that followed my cessation of using. i could not cope gracefully with the tumult of emotionality that ruled my life for the first year. i had not put it together in my own mind that the mood swings may not be just weak will. i couldn't figure out how i was to ever be "gay" again after i had morphed into such a loser. death would have been a welcome option really, i was that detached. i could only find 1 or 2 persons here in denver going through a similar situation, and my impression was that they were pretty damaged as well and didn't want any companionship.

then i read an article in poz magazine in 2004 called "Turning The Tables On Tina" and it catapulted my dark and oh-so-depressed world. i was very familiar with peter staley and his ACTUP work in the eighties and already had measurable respect for him. and when i realized i really wasn't alone in faltering and making mistakes in my life, and that taking action to change what i thought was wrong or broken in my life and in my surroundings could perhaps change my life, a wind of inspiration blew through me. inspiration comes from unexpected places most times and can be a miraculous thing. it has proven to be such a thing in my life. i have come to a place in my life where i expect to be inspired now, and i try to make room for it in my heart and my mind.
it is what keeps me alive and happy.

inspiration

i am driving up to winter park today to visit the winter park mountain lodge where the roundup will be held in early august with several other members of the board. we want to map out locations for the workshops, the speaker meetings, and the basic layout of the land. we are planning on having sunrise meetings outdoors and we want to do a quick hike to make sure it is do-able for most attendees. we have to have alternatives in case of rain, etc... i am going to propose that clean and sober plus host a moonlight meeting at night and i want to see if there is a space for that. i would like to again extend an invitation for anyone reading who is in recovery, and working a 12 step program to consider coming to colorado for the roundup. a weekend retreat of comraderie, fun, and spirituality can be amazingly rejuvenative and realize and remember that we are not alone in this journey of recovery. www.rockymountainroundup.org

 

i found this link in my searches. i really love things that are in-my-face, or make me pause.

pamela

 

and that led me to this :

HIVLA

what i actually was looking for was this quote by wayne dyer:

WHEN YOU CHANGE THE WAY YOU LOOK AT THINGS

THE THINGS YOU LOOK AT CHANGE


and that is how inspiration now works in my life. one thing leads me to another and i welcome and anticipate being inspired somehow. and it is a fantastic way to approach life.

blessings be!

 

 

oh and if you click on the "low" video in the sidebar(love these guys), you will see silliness. and you know i met more than 2 sets of guys in my pnp days who actually party like this (but add tina), and they were both here and in southern california. maybe it's a new subspecies. i'm not quite sure.