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Wednesday, December 26, 2007

so far

image credit: luc olivier

the holiday surrounds me and i find very strange circumstances popping up in my life. i have been so driven to step up to the plate and create change in my community and thus in my world, but now i find i am not so sure that my zeal is healthy. doorways appear and i step through them, as this has always been my way, both before and after recovery. i am pausing today, to ask myself what if i were to not keep pushing as hard as i have been? will my purpose fade? will my life improve?

i find myself involved in a drama and a relationship (not intimate) in which i somehow feel trapped. i feel that i am headed in one direction and the counterpart(s) are headed in another. this in and of itself would be fine, except that i don't honestly see their direction headed anywhere near healthy. and i am confounded as to how to proceed. i definitely am praying about this, but i find myself reacting to situations and happenstances instead of being proactive and this is disturbing to me. it sets me up to be a victim, which i have had my share already in my life.

so i need to be proactive with my prayer. i have been blessed so far with following my instinct and so i will continue with this. as part of my prayer i am going to re-engage with some of mark bryan and julia cameron's work. i will start journaling and working through riding the dragon.

following the teachings of a course in miracles, i know that if something is distasteful to me in my world, or something doesn't isn't working, the change needs to come from within. i am hoping that journaling will be a good way for me to access this change/growth. i am ready for something new and to let go of the broken record inside my head. all in all, my life in recovery has been a great ride so far.


Java said...

I wish you wisdom and patience as you deal with the relationship in question.
Yup, proactive is better than reactive. Saying that is easier than doing that. I'm stuck right between the two in a few of my relationships, too.
Hope the journaling helps you.

Jeremiah Andrews said...

What if we 'turn down the burner' will our purpose fade? No it won't as long as you are on the path.

Always try to remain outside the victim position. We have a choice whether or not to engage any one in our field of vision. Rise above the drama and don't get sucked in...

Prayer, now that's something I work on daily. As part of my religious life and my sober life. I've done the Course in Miracles too. I loved the book, I follow the book in sobriety.

You know, zeal is good. Too much zeal could be seen as Prideful, too little zeal, and there is no fire in the hearth. But a moderate heat in the burner seems to work for me. Everything in moderation...

It is necessary to have fire burning within, I call it 'faith' that eternal question that keeps us on the path, engaged, and active in our respective paths...

Stay the course. Avoid the drama. Do the Next Right thing, and Stay in your day...

Thanks for allowing me to participate in your life today...

Blessings on your head


Anonymous said...

I love your taste in music.

I also respect your humility and willingness to engage in self examination. Thank you for sharing your thoughts, I find them illuminating.

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