stay gone

I've found piece of mind
I'm feeling good again
I'm on the other side
Back among the living
Ain't a cloud in the sky
All my tears have been cried
And I can finally say

this has been a telling month for me. things have seemed to go so smoothly until this september. a co-worker at my full time job has left to pursue other interests. no surprise, as she has been working in hiv for over 10 years and it can easily lead to burnout. so many needy clients and so many issues. but there is a hole left in the stream of treatment that will be filled again, but currently is felt by the rest of the team.

as i have continued to work on my issues around living with bipolar issues, i have found that perspective has become a good friend. i am learning that paranoia and inspiration have always been a part of my personality and that they seem larger than life at times. so large that i can feel as if i am unable to buckle them in, but they do recede. and maybe i can learn from them. this is huge as i have always had these, but what has changed is how i react to them.

have started work on a committee to ease the restrictions on intakes at a clinic within my workplace. this is an exciting endeavor for me. it will be very interesting to see how it all proceeds. i know that the communication between a few clinics seems to have broken down some time ago, and to re-engage can only benefit the patients at the end of any process. so i am thrilled to be part of it. more later no doubt.

the newsletter seems to have been taking way too long. my friend who does the layout has had his plate very full and has not found time to push it through. i struggle with my instinct to over-react. i did finally leave a message with him that i would be happy to shop it around for another layout person. i felt great that i understood he was busy and wanted to support that. but it's been almost 5 weeks. i can't even remember what i sent over to include. the next issue i am hoping will change direction slightly anyway. my intention is to develop a more holistic perspective for all persons living with hiv in the whole of colorado.

i have travelled more this month than i remember in the recent past. grand lake for a weekend and buena vista for a weekend. and i have a lunch and shopping day (end of season) in estes park coming up. this signals a definite shift in my psyche. it reflects that i am feeling at home in my life and ready to branch out. this reading feels true to me. i am more content than i can ever remember and feel safe and supported. and hopefully i am offering this to the people i encounter.

if you are new to recovery and reading this, i would encourage you to stay on the path. these gifts of personal insight only came my way with time away from self medication. that has been the biggest gift in my this process. and it is well worth it.

i am offering today's sound choice to my addiction and my self loathing. it is jimmy wayne with "stay gone"