today in recognition of bloggers unite for hunger and hope, i am posting a video posted by a tireless group of persons in recovery. the organization consists of 100 percent volunteers. they have been working to address issues among a part of the homeless population for almost a full year and have been doing some very amazing work.
i am amazed(and often quite pooped) at the sheer energy and sticktuitiveness they demonstrate each month with their outreach. always collaborating and bringing new energy into the fold, proudly and quietly i salute "surrounded by recovery"
there is a little drop in center in denver whose mission is to provide a place for homeless persons with hiv to find respite during the day. it is the basement of a brownstone and hosts a washer/dryer for people to do their sparse laundry, there are cots to provide a place to rest legally and not have to wander. there has recently been a shower added to allow for personal hygiene to become more accessible, and meals from angel heart are delivered on a daily basis.
it is run by an rn named lisa wheeler and she counsels with clients about their meds, their medical appointments, their needs, and their general health. she is patient, firm, caring, intelligent, and reliable.
h.o.p.e. is not funded by ryan white funding. it is a program of the visiting nurse association, yet almost all the ryan white agencies use her hospitality and services to assist them in their daily interactions with the hard-to-reach and hard-to-keep-engaged clients. a hot meal and a kind word can go a long way in reaching a struggling soul.
this year, i have asked lisa to provide a wish list for items that would make her job easier in the coming year. i happen to know that she uses her own funds to provide many things throughout the year when her own funding falls short. i am going to as strength in numbers, the rebuilt+ committee, and the entire ryan white system to participate in a holiday drive to help provide these not-so-very expensive needs and present them in a thank-you delivery this holiday season. somehow, i am really looking forward to the holidays this year.
here is an article from a former client of h.o.p.e. my plan is to publish it in the december sin newsletter. i hope you'll understand my motivation.
Drug addicted, in full blown AIDS, and making a geographical change, again. I arrived in Denver December 4, 2005. I stayed with a friend in Aurora. Our relationship got bumpy, imagine that, two drug addicts having problems with each other, and I was out doing the sleazy dive motels up and down Colfax. I still hadn't reached my bottom. I began using in Denver. Eventually I got my own apartment and used and used. After only one year, to the month, I was evicted and homeless. This still wasn't enough. I talked about getting a job and resuming my career, literally, a "pipe dream". I let my nursing license lapse. I eventually ended up in the "court system". The best thing that could've happened. I saw the light. I met an angel at a place called the "Hope Program". The "Hope Program" is a day shelter for people who are homeless and HIV positive. HOPE is an acronym for Homeless Outreach Pharmaceuticals and Education. The way I was helped by Hope was multifaceted. It gave me structure and help prioritizing my life. The "Hope Program" has also grown. They now have a shower and cots. There is also facilities to do laundry and hot meals. The blessing is that the "Hope Program" gave me a safe environment without judgement. I took the sound advise of my probation officer, the judge in drug court, my psych support staff, my councelor in the drug rehab program, and several people in two 12 step programs.
The Hope Program helped me to see the importance of medication adherence, medical management and the having a support system. I also belong to a community action group called PBI (Prevention Before Infection). I take people for HIV testing at "It Takes a Village" and "Brother Jeff's Health Initiative" with a focus on sex workers. I volunteer at the "Hope Program". I participate as a member of the "Mayor's Planning Council". I'm an active member of "Coloradans Working Together (CWT)". I do outreach for "Addictions Research Treatment Services (ARTS)".
I've come full circle. I made it through drug court. I joined the workforce again. I am able to make choices as to my career. I think I've found direction in my life. I now do outreach and co facilitate a "Healthy Relationships" class. I do AA and CA daily. I'm working the steps and have a sponsor in both groups. I also have had an undetectable viral load for a couple of years and decided to take the Hepatitis A and B vaccines. I am closer to a loving a full life. I'm still working on me and am thinking about having a significant other in my life.
I would like to profess my undying appreciation and unconditional love for Lisa Wheeler of the "Hope Program" and Roseann Prieto of "ARTS". Those two have been directly responsible for helping me become closer to the person I want to be and giving me a great big universe.
i have given my notice at my job and am in a contemplative state. i have been working as a client advocate for persons living with hiv for two years now. it has been an eye-opening experience to say the least. more importantly is the heart opening that has been taking place in me the last two years as well. i have become aware of so many issues and details and circumstances in peoples lives that i previously was completely blind to. this is my song. and my song is knowing you.
i have met many hiv plus homeless persons who have no real place to lay their head. many of them have mental health issues and it affects how they take care of themselves and how they approach wellness and health care in general. i mean when you wander a lot looking for a place to sit down, it hardly seems logical that taking meds on a timely basis would have any priority whatsoever.
i have become aware of people in this capacity not having the self efficacy to keep themselves physically safe. so, in that sense, how could risky behaviors have any real priority? if you can't negotiate whether you have sex or not, how do you possibly negotiate whether it is going to be "safe"?
i now understand more clearly that if i cannot tell you that i have sex with a man, how can i possibly tell you that i am positive? and i would rather get sick than go to a doctor, because my wife will find out that i have hiv.
it seems completely understandable to think that someone has been poz for 20 years and is just tired of feeling disconnected. tired of putting on the glove when it's time to make love. that it's counter intuitive that i need to place a barrier between us before we become closer.
i know much better that after 2 years of diarrhea, it seems logical for a person to really tire of the medication routine. it's so draining, how can a person keep it up. and who wants to hear about it anyway. then you pick up a copy of poz magazine and everybody looks healthy, happy, and full of smiles. and you think, i must not be good enough.
and then there are those who have lost so many of their friends and are just lonely. they never expected to live this long, weren't at all prepared. and have a difficult time discerning a reason to keep it up. where is the fun when there are no shared memories? not one inside joke? no one to remind you of anything that happened that one time?
and the folks who have been numbing out for so long, that they don't even remember what life is like without pharmacology. they have been zombied by drugs and alcohol and are whispers of the people they once were. walking wounded. bela lugosis. caspers.
please don't misunderstand my spewing here. this is not a judgement. this is not a critique. this is my experience. and i am not in regret. i have opened my heart. i have opened my eyes to the realities of living with a "condition". of surviving, but not smoothly. it's not all downhill from here. there are crags, and crevices, and hidden bumps and holes.
this is my community. this is the truth about hiv. this is not what the press releases want you to know. but this might be the prevention information that works. i don't know. not everyone with hiv has a broken life. not by a long shot. however, it is not at all like being nominated for class president, either. it is an earthquake. it shakes us to the very foundation. and it takes time to find out how high it is on the richter scale.
i will miss this work and this position. i leave this job a much stronger and healther hiv plus person than i was prior. i no longer have time for shame. i have found bliss in this diagnosis. i carry it with me always. i am blessed to have been able to help anyone. i couldn't help myself leave a bathhouse room a few years ago. this type of job is a recommended service position for anyone who thinks they are a pariah.
