In reality, serendipity accounts for one percent of the blessings we receive in life, work and love. The other 99 percent is due to our efforts. Peter McWilliams
one of the health clinics in denver brought along a patient to this conference. i know him through the rooms, but i have never had the chance to really talk with him. we have, however, changed that. we spent some of monday and most of yesterday together. he even came to dinner with us last night to the vietnamese restaurant near the white house.
i have been able to find out quite a lot which i was previously unaware. it has been a good experience to see someone i have seen around but never really spoken with before. i think the universe moves in amazing ways somehow. i think the clinic might be grooming him to work with their clients in a peer mentor type position. the doctor has been directing conversation in that area.
so hopefully, i will be able to be of some service and support his efforts if he goes in this direction. i have an indication that this is one of the reasons i might have come. i am grateful i have the chance to work with others. there are moments in my life when things make sense. when things align themselves in a position which seems to work. i love it when this happens.
after dinner, we walked to the white house and then back around to the smithsonian stop on the metro. i realized that there are some indications in this journey that help us see where we are going. there are markers in my life to see, if i am open to them.
the client advocates from "it takes a village" (photoshop courtesy of marc olmsted)
i was privileged to spend all day last friday at "priorities" which is a process to determine the size of percentages of ryan white funding that are distributed to treatment categories for persons with hiv. these funds are earmarked as the "payer of last resort" and the percentages are determined by the planning council (of which i am co-chair).
as we work a year into the future, and we had received a very high dollar amount this year, it was decided to base our figures on a 2007 amount for care, which meant to cut about a million dollars out of our budget. coupled with that,this year we had added a new medical clinic for undocumented persons which naturally took a sizable amount of cash to start and will also require dollars to operate.
it is a daunting task to discuss the wheres and whys of support services that are available to plwh/a. all categories seem relevant and necessary, but at the end of the day, our job is to stay within budget. we made decisions and none of us were really bent out of shape by the end of the day. this is an accomplishment, especially considering some of the stories i have heard about past priorities processes.
either way, with the extra million or without, it is merely a drop in the bucket of expenses that are really involved. the hospital and clinic bills are staggering and could easily eat up the entire allocation. the other services such as dental, emergency housing, transportation, substance abuse, mental health, could probably do the same. it's very challenging to try to allocate funds that are merely a glass of water thrown on a bonfire. but i was glad to have the opportunity to try.
i am playing around with a photo of a few colleagues with the idea of using the faces in a flyer for our services. that's betty boo (she is wearing betty boop earrings), donn r, and myself.
here is a remake of a 1978 hit that i used to really love. funny, but i happen to love this band, too- the silver sun pickups.
below is a note from ron hudson at ICP who was kind enough to include a couple of my posts for this month's carnival which is hosted by straight, not narrow. there's a great post from fellow blogger brian at acidreflux while he was travelling thru africa. there is also a post from lorenzo at god is brown. this post captured my heart as an older gay man (eeeghad! i had a hard time typing that) listening to a younger man. and you'll see a poignant photo entry from joe is god with pictures of 20 years of ACTUP. i encourage you to explore the carnival and the cornucopia of bloggers out there. and contribute to next month's carnival. after all, we really all are living with hiv/aids. and i find that the non-poz voice is even less heard (if at all) around hiv.
Dear Friends of the International Carnival of Pozitivities (ICP):
The 14th edition of the ICP is now available at Straight, Not Narrow. This edition includes original artwork from an HIV+ Colombian man, an original Spanish-language poem with translation by Mexican poet Jeannette Clariond, a video blog from the American comic ANT at his ANT Colony and a spoken-word video from my friend and 1 Giant Leap collaborator Rich Ferguson of Los Angeles, CA. Other posts address recognizing alcoholism within the HIV/AIDS community, as well as other thought-provoking articles about living with HIV/AIDS. We have a number of returning contributors as well as new participants. Please take a few minutes to visit and bookmark this edition so that you can enjoy it at your leisure over the next month.
Please visit the ICP homepage to learn more about this project and how you can contribute. We are now accepting submissions for edition 15 to be hosted at Living Mindfully with HIV. Please consider contributing your original artwork, poetry, news, personal accounts, short stories, and video or music files for the next edition. The more of you who actively submit your articles, the more I will be able to identify and solicit new participants for this project.
I hope that you will join the growing community of contributors and hosts for this important international forum for genuine voices of AIDS and allies. Please note that we are still seeking a host for our November, 2007 edition and for all editions beyond December, 2007. If you are interested in hosting the ICP, please email me and I will make the process for you as painless as possible. Return hosts are welcome!
If you have a blog, please feel free to post a notice about the availability of this edition. Also, please share this email with your friends. We need to involve as many people as possible. I really appreciate all of the links that you have added for the ICP in your blog sidebars and would encourage any of you who have not yet done so to consider adding a permanent link to the ICP to your blog.
Peace to you and yours.
Safe Journeys!
Ron Hudson
2sides2ron Poundcake Love The International Carnival of Pozitivities (ICP)
i have given my notice at my job and am in a contemplative state. i have been working as a client advocate for persons living with hiv for two years now. it has been an eye-opening experience to say the least. more importantly is the heart opening that has been taking place in me the last two years as well. i have become aware of so many issues and details and circumstances in peoples lives that i previously was completely blind to. this is my song. and my song is knowing you.
i have met many hiv plus homeless persons who have no real place to lay their head. many of them have mental health issues and it affects how they take care of themselves and how they approach wellness and health care in general. i mean when you wander a lot looking for a place to sit down, it hardly seems logical that taking meds on a timely basis would have any priority whatsoever.
i have become aware of people in this capacity not having the self efficacy to keep themselves physically safe. so, in that sense, how could risky behaviors have any real priority? if you can't negotiate whether you have sex or not, how do you possibly negotiate whether it is going to be "safe"?
i now understand more clearly that if i cannot tell you that i have sex with a man, how can i possibly tell you that i am positive? and i would rather get sick than go to a doctor, because my wife will find out that i have hiv.
it seems completely understandable to think that someone has been poz for 20 years and is just tired of feeling disconnected. tired of putting on the glove when it's time to make love. that it's counter intuitive that i need to place a barrier between us before we become closer.
i know much better that after 2 years of diarrhea, it seems logical for a person to really tire of the medication routine. it's so draining, how can a person keep it up. and who wants to hear about it anyway. then you pick up a copy of poz magazine and everybody looks healthy, happy, and full of smiles. and you think, i must not be good enough.
and then there are those who have lost so many of their friends and are just lonely. they never expected to live this long, weren't at all prepared. and have a difficult time discerning a reason to keep it up. where is the fun when there are no shared memories? not one inside joke? no one to remind you of anything that happened that one time?
and the folks who have been numbing out for so long, that they don't even remember what life is like without pharmacology. they have been zombied by drugs and alcohol and are whispers of the people they once were. walking wounded. bela lugosis. caspers.
please don't misunderstand my spewing here. this is not a judgement. this is not a critique. this is my experience. and i am not in regret. i have opened my heart. i have opened my eyes to the realities of living with a "condition". of surviving, but not smoothly. it's not all downhill from here. there are crags, and crevices, and hidden bumps and holes.
this is my community. this is the truth about hiv. this is not what the press releases want you to know. but this might be the prevention information that works. i don't know. not everyone with hiv has a broken life. not by a long shot. however, it is not at all like being nominated for class president, either. it is an earthquake. it shakes us to the very foundation. and it takes time to find out how high it is on the richter scale.
i will miss this work and this position. i leave this job a much stronger and healther hiv plus person than i was prior. i no longer have time for shame. i have found bliss in this diagnosis. i carry it with me always. i am blessed to have been able to help anyone. i couldn't help myself leave a bathhouse room a few years ago. this type of job is a recommended service position for anyone who thinks they are a pariah.
