image credit: romberg
there is a recurring theme for me in my recovery process. and perhaps it is a recurring theme in everyone's lives. i'm just not sure of that. that theme is faith. can i have faith that i will be okay? can i trust the universe to support me in my path? can i allow myself to go where life takes me, or do i need to control the road i am taking? these are constant questions for me and create a constant struggle.
i find that often i am in fear because of what could be, or what might not happen, or more intensely, failure. what if i fail? what if my plans don't work out? what if people don't want or need what i'm offering? thoughts such as these are circuitous, and cause me to stifle and freeze. i am aware that i don't desire these thoughts because even though they are somewhat grounding, they are also paralyzing. i get stuck on these thoughts and fear grows.
the processes of prayer and letting help, however, the questions often return. today i ask for the strength to find faith. to remember its support and believe in its process. while i let go of the belief that outcomes matter.
