a blessing

ryan white an american hero


no need for words from me today....
just silent prayer from sarah mclachan to you....

Spend all your time waiting
For that second chance
For a break that would make it okay
Theres always one reason
To feel not good enough
And its hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction
Oh beautiful release
Memory seeps from my veins
Let me be empty
And weightless and maybe
Ill find some peace tonight

bless you.......... bless us all...........

lead........empower........deliver

world aids day 2008
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for more about ryan white click here

today's sound choice sarah mclachlan and pink at american music awards-

in the arms of an angel

time away

photocredit: ruben mendiola (mykonos)

"Art washes away from the soul
the dust of everyday life." Pablo Picasso

some thoughts on time away i have come across:

subtraction

sense of wonder

Everything is changeable, everything appears and disappears; there is no blissful peace until one passes beyond the agony of life and death... Buddha

i spent a full day with a client on my first day back at work. we had several stops to make. i didn't have time to worry about myself one bit. this was pleasant. somehow this gives me great hope.

another full day. work. lunch w/ my lawyer. meetings. back to basics is where i go to find fuel to continue on. back to basics.

Give me release
witness me
I am outside
give me peace

Heaven holds a sense of wonder
and I wanted to believe
that I'd get caught up
when the rage in me subsides

In this white wave
I am sinking
in this silence
in this white wave
in this silence
I believe

sarah mclachlan full lyrics here

fear versus faith

image credit: romberg

there is a recurring theme for me in my recovery process. and perhaps it is a recurring theme in everyone's lives. i'm just not sure of that. that theme is faith. can i have faith that i will be okay? can i trust the universe to support me in my path? can i allow myself to go where life takes me, or do i need to control the road i am taking? these are constant questions for me and create a constant struggle.

i find that often i am in fear because of what could be, or what might not happen, or more intensely, failure. what if i fail? what if my plans don't work out? what if people don't want or need what i'm offering? thoughts such as these are circuitous, and cause me to stifle and freeze. i am aware that i don't desire these thoughts because even though they are somewhat grounding, they are also paralyzing. i get stuck on these thoughts and fear grows.

the processes of prayer and letting help, however, the questions often return. today i ask for the strength to find faith. to remember its support and believe in its process. while i let go of the belief that outcomes matter.