The power of a meeting

I had an amazing experience this weekend at the 12 step meeting for people living with HIV and Hep C on Saturday. For a couple of days I had been in a "relapse" mode. I didn't feel right in my head or emotions, I wanted to isolate, I was starting to revert back to old behaviors around sex; which most likely would have led me to Meth. I was calling my sponsor and other addicts but not really being honest about the space I was in. I went to my IOP at the Council on friday and learned that there are stages to recovery in the first year. Withdrawl is 0-15 days, ok I experienced that, Honeymoon is 15-45 days, ok I had that as well, although I did ride the emotional rollercoaster every now and then, THE WALL is 45-120 days, and that's EXACTLY where my ass is sitting. I feel frustrated, lethargic in my recovery, defiant against suggestions, procrastenating in doing my work, making unhealthy decission that aren't related to drugs, but to my well being. I was so confussed about why I was feeling this way, but was told that many in recovery go thru these stages and that it is perfectly normal to feel this way. As long as I recognize dark behaviors and to correct them and not act on them. Anyway I then went to the Clean and Sober Plus meeting on Saturday. There were only 5 of us there, but the range of diagnosed time was from the early 80's to me which is three years ago. I got to hear other recovering gay men talking about their individual stories around their HIV infections and the mind spaces they were in at that time, and I could totally relate. I am comfortable with my HIV status, but forget that sometimes I need support around that especially in early recovery. It was great to have community with other positive men that was outside the bedroom. I so definately needed that experience. I am truely grateful for that experience and plan to make that meeting a weekly habit. Long story short, that meeting and the stories of those five other men made me humble and got me out of my pitty party and on to proactive thinking and behaviors. Until then, keep well. http://www.addme.com/#1