i googled gay crystal meth recovery while online last night and i came across this site.
please take the time to read for a moment: twacked
it's kinda eerie for me. it's almost like an episode of the twilight zone (which i loved btw.) we could be witnessing the last place on earth this being was before they were lifted off into the 4400 of meth use. i suppose it's wrong of me to assume that it's a relapse, but that's the first place my mind went. even considering the posts about his condition and the color of his urine. i hope i'm wrong for his sake and i pray he's okay. i certainly would be happy to be incorrect. i especially relate to his inability to make the keyboard work. that was so very very much a part of my tweaking dilemma. i couldn't remember how to operate the simple aspects of a computer. i used to spend so much of my time trying to figure out how to close a screen window because i always wanted to open it again to make sure i could close it again.
one time i called sbc who was my isp at the time and told the help desk(at about 2am) that i was hearing voices from my modem. he said things like: "you don't say" and "hmmm, can't imagine what that is." i had a whole screenplay written in my head ( i was always writing screenplays in my head) about a new virus which was taking over the world (a la "what's so bad about feeling good?"). It was actually a computer generated virus that would infect through the skin and people would become cartoons and inanimate objects would suddenly become animated. of course it was to be called Animation Virus. catchy eh?
meth use causes lack of sleep. and lack of sleep causes hallucinations, both visual and auditory, and even psychoses. it is very common in tweakers to go days without sleeping and start hearing and seeing things that they believe are completely real. and there is no way you can convince them of anything else. and even in early recovery some residual hallucinations and emotional discharges are likely. it's not easy to come down off meth. it takes some patience and it takes some overseeing.
omg- watching this shit really gives me chills. it depicts precisely how i used to spend many, many, many of my days. my chat box was always on with someone on an m4m site, though.
2 comments:
Generally, the dark color of one's urine when using meth is the result of dehydration, which in and of itself, is indicative of a really damaging health issue for all. That's my undertanding and experience. And I feel certain the keyboard issue is a real one and not a relapse. I have had that issue before. It could stem from a settings issue with Windows. Mac? Not so much. Or it even could be a broken key on the board. I often overlook the obvious in my quest to find an explanation for all things at all times.
I get the how the post evokes a memory of a time of harrowing struggle, though. I am beginning to look back on those days with a bit of humor. I know that craziness and sadness was too much in abundance for me at that time. And hopefully I will always remember that it is a place I never want to inhabit again. None-the-less, the further away I find myself from that time in my life, the more I find cause to laugh at the absurdity of some of the experiences. The circumstance, though, remains a horrific one.
WS
THE 12 STEPS DOWN TO HELL
I imagine 12 Step recovery programs are a slow slide into the jaws of Satan. I was involved with this evil “satanic cult” [AA] for over 30 years but was saved through the power of Jesus Christ. He directed me to a therapist who was into “real” recovery, not the mind destroying, soul destroying, cult, which is AA. I have met two Steppers recently & I imagine they are completely devoid of any emotion or insight. I feel pain because both these men are decent human beings but AA has destroyed their BRAIN STRUCTURE & they have no idea how to relate apart from expounding AA propaganda. I imagine Hell to be a continuous flow of AA meetings without any light at the end of the tunnel because one never recovers'. I beg you people who are in 12 Step programs, to get out before it is too late. How does one recover when one is handing one’s power over to AA. The 12 Steps were written out of Wilson’s head, he certainly didn’t get his guidance from the Bible. I imagine he was an agent of Satan & he & Smith’s “cult religion” has filled millions of Steppers with their anti - Christ propaganda. Step Three of AA is "Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood him." While many in the Oxford Group placed their faith in Jesus Christ as Lord and Saviour, there was much leeway given. Shoemaker, a leader of the Oxford Group, says, "The true meaning of faith is self-surrender to God." He further explains:
Surrender to whatever you know about Him, or believe must be the truth about Him. Surrender to Him, if necessary, in total ignorance of Him. Far more important that you touch Him than that you understand Him at first. Put yourself in His hands. Whatever He is, as William James said, He is more ideal than we are. Make the leap. Give yourself to Him. Aside from capitalizing the "H," which Christians do to refer to the God of the Bible, "Him" could refer to any god of one’s own making [BEDPAN]. Can you see what is happening to you? Ask Jesus to take control of your lives, read the Bible & instead of 12 Step groups, go to Church. Burn your Big Book or use it as toilet paper. Can you see the difference: With The 12 Steps, you never recover but with John 3:16 you are guaranteed Eternal Salvation. The “ball is in your court”
Peace Be With You
Micky
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