pride inside

kelly has asked that this flag be posted on sites to "spread the rainbow", and i've opted to follow suit. there is to be an accompanying "coming out" story or a story about why you don't. so i have 2 entries- 1 my own and other from a blogami... please consider this an open meme, and use it to affirm the struggles that our predecessors have endured and to catalog and validate our own. pride is about celebration, not so much partying, but more about endurance and coming through the dark. coming out as it were by shaking loose the shame and finding pride inside.

it's funny, but i have been out since 1974 and have almost forgotten there was even a process, as it seemed so natural to me. by the time that queer nation was a fresh idea, i had been out over a decade and grabbed that idea's momentum and swung through the next few years of life on that. i remember chanting "we're here, we're queer, we're not going shopping" from tho loins of the gay pride parade during the early nineties.

but there was an issue that i really did struggle with during that time which was my hiv status. i knew inside that i was positive, but it was very difficult for me to discuss it with anyone. i wasn't clear how i felt myself, so i couldn't handle anyone elses feelings about it. i chose mostly not to talk about it. if i met potential sex partners, i told myself that they were adults and could be counted on to take care of themselves. if they wanted to know, it was their responsibility to ask. (a true statement, but certainly not how i feel today). anyway, i went through a few years of acknowledging coming out day by coming out about my status. it was challenging sometimes. it was no big deal sometimes-to others- but it was always a big deal for me. i'm glad i've come to terms with what i have and who i am. it has lessened the load i carry. i know there are men who still struggle with the same issues i did, and my heart goes out to them. something i can say to them is: denial seems very convenient and a blessing, but in the end, it is mostly the opposite: a curse and a big pain in the ass. the light goes on eventually and we have to look into our own corners and under our bed.

the second entry for this post is actually a redirect to stephen todd's "prison's a bitch". his recent "queer in here" post really resonated with me, and the image of him in his cell with a towel over his window, 80's music playing while he dances with himself, longing for a different sense of community, stays with me. i urge you to read it and remember it's in two parts.....read stephen todd here
2nd part here

VIVA LES QUEERS! What I believe, having made it through all these years, surviving all we have, heralding all the change we have generated, is that INDEED, WE ALL SHOULD BE DANCING.