where the streets have no name

I want to feel, sunlight on my face
See that dust cloud disappear without a trace
I want to take shelter from the poison rain
Where the streets have no name

i guess i have never really addressed the screenname "warrior scout" which i blog under. it came to be rather naturally, but it has never been anything specifically referencing something. i have always been a scout of sorts, running ahead of the pack as well as exploring outside the boundaries. i think this still is part of my basic skill set. i usually find myself in a position to mix it up with many different types and circles of people, so maybe i somehow get more of a global view on some issues. and curiosity is second nature, so that goes hand in hand with the scout portion of the name. and when my life was immersed in drinking and using, internally i was always seeking something that remained just out of my reach. adding scout to this incarnation offered an opportunity to rework that personality defect and hopefully mold it into something far healthier.

the term warrior in the name is directly related to the spiritual warrior concept. i have always been trying to find ways to grow spiritually and follow the paths that speak to my heart. this is not uncommonly in opposition to those around me, so some exhange of ideas and questioning of perspectives and policies is somehow part of my makeup.

i have been writing with the pen name of warrior scout for almost 3 years now. it is serving me well and has seen me through some quantifiable spiritual growth. i certainly hope it continues to do so.

i will be starting an lgbt recovery support group that is to take place on friday afternoons. i am currently brainstorming for a name for the group. i want it to be identifiable as a gay group and i want it to convey that support for people in pre-contemplation, contemplation, maintenance, and all the rest of the stages of change can get support for where they are in their process. initially it will be designed for hiv poz and non- poz persons. i think from a community health standpoint, separation may not always be optimum. and i want it to be fun, effective, and informative. not asking for much, eh? and i hope to have members of the community who have successfully changed their habits come by and offer support on a regular basis.

i have put a request out for names, and have gotten some wonderful ideas back. tgif was my favorite so far. after all, making good choice on the weekends keeps us working and in school during the week. i also thought about "prime" because it is a primer group- geared to assist in putting down a good primer so that the first coat will adhere much better. and i thought of "q" or "the friday q" because queers, questions, queries, and quandries will no doubt be addressed.

i thought i'd put it out here, because i love my readers and their perspectives. let me know what you think... please...

today's sound choice probably needs no introduction. it holds much personal attachment for me. i love the lyrics and i absolutely love when bono wails on this one. (btw, 7th and main is pretty damn close to where i ended my california drug run 9 months after this vid was filmed). it's "where the streets have no name" by u2....

recipe for agape

take a couple of good friends, a sunny day, add some good intention and a tender meeting, stir lightly, blend a trip to museum row, pull out some old memories and shake them out over the mixture. let sit quietly during a speaker meeting and pop into the crib for some extra z's...

i had an incredible day yesterday. breakfast then a birthday meeting. jim said goodbye as marc and i then headed to lacma to see some of the exhibits. warhol, koontz, rauscha, lichtenstein, basquiat are a few of the artists that were represented. the family amends was made and it went much better than i anticipated. it was challenging to stay in humility, but i honestly did my best. the speaker at last night's opening ceremony was so sweet and silently penetrating for me. i am reminded that my understanding of being clean is solid, but can go much deeper. i have work to do and my heart can open much more. this is something great to look forward to.

i made it to my family's home and managed to get out my amends. i certainly stumbled with words, however, i believe my intention shone through. it was humbling, and i realized i really am just a drop in his emotional bucket, and it right-sized me quite a bit. his wife came home and i graciously asked to make amends with her, too. it went well. again i heard things i didn't expect. but i was prepared with earnestness, so i believe it was hugely successful.

driving back to weho, i realized that i have been holding quite a bit of fear for 4 or 5 years about this, and now i will have extra room in my heart and my head as i let go of this fear. i hope i can find a way to fill this space with agape.