facing east

it's the middle of march and colorado has had very little snow this year. it has been quite warm and spring is peaking its head around what seems like every corner. bulbs have been planted long ago, and nature just takes its course. the crocus i have seen in my neighborhood seem incredibly large, and i purchased these daffodils at whole foods. i spent a good deal of yesterday working around my house feasting on all this yellow and green and taking in their really amazing fragrance.

i notice a much calmer demeanor has moved into my life. something much calmer than i remember before. i don't mind spending time alone, i am not desperate for conversation of any kind to drown out the silence, and i am adjusting to my own thoughts. my sponsee and i have not been connecting for months now. it's no longer funny. it may be time to encourage change in that arena.

at lunch yesterday, someone asked me if i was seeing anyone. i nearly choked, as it seemed such an absurd question. i answered "no, because i haven't left the time zone". this is an old attitude for me. in my younger days, i only played around when i left denver(which was a bi-monthly event). i actually have never really dated anyone in denver, nor even put in on my radar. this frame of mind is probably self-fulfilling. i have always noticed people interested in me almost everywhere but here.

i feel my heart growing up this year. i can sense that changes that have been planted and nourished are taking root and making themselves at home. i smile from my heart spontaneously and i laugh at myself more easily.

today's sound choice is one of my favorite groups- thievery corporation with "facing east"

holding on to my hat

Reasons for the Seasons

These brief but monumental moments owe their significance to the 23.4 degree tilt of the Earth's axis. Because of the tilt, we receive the Sun's rays most directly in the summer. In the winter, when we are tilted away from the Sun, the rays pass through the atmosphere at a greater slant, bringing lower temperatures. If the Earth rotated on an axis perpendicular to the plane of the Earth's orbit around the Sun, there would be no variation in day lengths or temperatures throughout the year, and we would not have seasons.

much of what has been worked on these last few months comes to fruition this coming week. this seems to be true in several cases. the peer mentoring training happens next saturday. there is a party for all the participants that evening, and a farewell dinner the following tuesday evening. the next step for this adventure waits in the wings with no definitive answer.

simultaneously, the contract i have held for the last six months to support peer led efforts to create linkage to care and psychosocial support networking comes to an end on the last day of march. it has been quite a learning experience and a hella ride. it offered the financing to bring mr van essen and his benefits wisdom to denver. it has paid a huge portion of the fees for the hiv retreats in grand lake colorado this summer. and the educational forums have purchased a power point projector, a laptop, and several other items to help ensure it continuity.

it also has allowed me to establish a furthering of the infected persons involved in the delivery of hiv care in our system. (this i find the most delightful). i have had the feeling that collectively we have been accepting much that is spoon fed by others with regard to care, and i think this new option offers perhaps a healthier alternative.

and the employment i have been romancing will come to a head during this same time period. i dance around excitement, but feel confident i can accept the outcome. at least eventually.

i cannot at all claim knowledge of why all these items seem to converge during the same week. perhaps its biorhythm. perhaps it's coincidence. or could it be the approaching vernal equinox? perhaps they are not at all connected. but my imagination would have me believe that something greater than me is at work in all this. and all i can really do is hang on to my hat. oh, and i'm making sure there is plenty of room for wonderful things to happen.

today's sound choice is the theme song from the 1960's tv show "the flying nun" starring sally field.

The Flying Nun
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