step five

"Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs"

seems simple eh? and it really can be. if you have done a thorough and honest step four. when i had finished step four i was so ready to be done with it. i don't think i was ready to actually do my step five, but i needed some relief from all the crap i had rolling around in my head residually from four. the final column in four really changed my whole existence. i couldn't honestly hold resentment or blame anyone else for my situation because i had a role in everything i had experienced whether i was the perpetrator or the receiver. and step five just completely numbed me out at the onset. i am a trauma survivor and so the emotional tunnel i crawled into during my step five was a shelter i was used to going into when i was feeling vulnerable. there was a shift in how i dealt with that emotional hiding place. i mean, how could i have responsibility in being molested or being abandoned by my father, or being picked on for being a queer while i was growing up. but the truth is that i became a victim in my own head and allowed things to happen and continued to buy into a mindset, even when i knew it was wrong. and when i accepted this responsibility, even after all those years, i released that victim stance and became stronger and empowered to move my life forward.

i don't mean to make this step sound horrifying, although it probably seems just that. on the contrary, this was the big release i needed to continue living my life. i had gotten everything out from under my emotional rocks and laid it in the sun to dry. and i have never looked back. the very, very, very best thing i have ever done in my life. and the person i asked to listen to all my personal garbage is actually still my sponsor and still loves me. imagine that... i hated myself quietly and secretly all those years, when i could have been open and honest about them. no regrets tho babe. FRESH AIR

 

if you need assistance or have questions with this step...

STEP 5 911

Regret

Posted Feb 09, 2006

The fellas from Very Tasteful (www.verytasteful.com) bring you a comedy short about regret.