brand new

"Brand New"
I just wanna reach you sometime soon
Show me a million strangers
I'll always find a broken boy
Drunk and laughing in some corners
By the dance floor

Did you want me
Did you lie
Maybe I don't mind
So much promise in your eye
I don't wanna change the world
I know I can't change you
Maybe I can change myself
Make me all brand new
Make me all brand new
Make me all brand new

the first week of the 2nd decade is coming to a close and nothing seems different, yet so much has changed. i was joking with a friend about the last 10 years being a tale of two cities for me, but it will always really remain so.

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to Heaven, we were all going direct the other way

life moves on from here. drama may very well appear now and again, however i hope it will temper itself especially in contrast to this 1st decade of this 21st century. it seems i have spent much time looking inward and doing work and  no doubt this will continue, but i sense a change in the air. i can't put my finger on it, but i do believe something is on its way. i doubt it will be brand new, but it is a breath of fresh air when it feels that way. i like this "brand new" quote....

My joking answer to this question is that I leave a bowl of milk out on the back porch every night for the Idea Fairy. In the morning, the milk is gone and there's a brand-new shiny idea by the bowl....Sarah Zettel

 
today's sound choice is relatively new boy george. he represents change as much as anyone i can think of. and he is of my generation. here is "brand new"




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dilemma...silk or linen

this is certainly a frou frou entry. i have been trying to decide which window coverings to use. i am putting in new carpeting and i think i just need to update a little. i am leaning towards the belgian linen, but who knows.

i laugh to myself as i type this, because this is completely a gold-plated problem to have. it's quite a departure from the dilemnas i use to have. i am sure that this focus is a reflection of where my heart is. i see myself as in a "nesting" state of mind.

i learn more about myself each day and this process is no exception.

today's sound choice is someone i learned about from an old friend on facebook. she said she went for awhile absolutely needing a daily fix of andrew bird. here is his "imitosis" (sidebar- the two bugs with the jewelry are reminiscent of dorian gray as he grew older and became more jaded...he would watch tortoises with semi-precious stones embedded reflect and refract the sunlight as they meandred across the floor....

draq queens rule

i just love this from the monterey county herald:- far, far away from the californialand....

FAIRFAX, Va.—George Mason University senior Ryan Allen dresses in drag and doesn't mind being called a queen—homecoming queen, to be exact.
Allen, who is gay and performs in drag at nightclubs in the region, said he entered the homecoming contest as a joke, competing as Reann Ballslee, his drag queen persona.

But he considers the victory one of his happiest moments and proof that the suburban Washington, D.C., school famous for its run to the Final Four a few years back celebrates its diverse student body.

"I was very touched by how Mason was so supportive through the whole process of allowing a boy in a dress to run for homecoming queen," Allen said in a phone interview. "It says a lot about the campus that not only do we have diversity but we celebrate it."

The senior from Virginia's Goochland County won the pageant Saturday at a sold-out Homecoming basketball game against Northeastern University.

Large portions of the crowd cheered as Allen, wearing a gold-sequined top, accepted the tiara and the Ms. Mason 2009 sash.

The school, known for racial diversity and a basketball team that pulled off a string of upsets to advance to the Final Four in 2006, was selected the nation's top "school to watch" in the most recent U.S. News and World Report rankings.

Allen's selection does not appear to have caused much consternation among the school's 30,000 undergraduate and graduate students. An online article in the student newspaper prompted only two comments, both positive.

Alyssa Cordova, an officer with the school's College Republicans, said she didn't pay much attention to Allen's election and is suprised by the media attention it has received.

"I just think it's kind of silly," she said.

Mara Keisling, executive director of the National Center for Transgender Equity and a former adjunct professor at Mason, said the lack of controversy "shows that the students and the George Mason community have a good sense of perspective."

University spokesman Dan Walsch said the school is "very comfortable" with Allen's selection and the contest rules are not sex-specific.

"It's just that if you're a man who runs for Ms., you've got to dress the part," Walsch said.

The contest was half talent judging and half voting by the student body. Allen received the most votes but doesn't know how he scored in the talent competition, in which he performed in zebra-print pants and lip-synched to Britney Spears.

He said his drag queen persona is fairly popular and well-known on campus—he has hosted events as Reann for the school's Pride Week, as well as HIV charity shows and an amateur drag night cabaret.

"Reann is very sassy, very silly. She's an entertainer throughout. She's not afraid to do a high kick if that's what it takes," Allen said. "She's got a little camp but is not as campy as some queens."

sound choice is... uh....well.... i couldn't resist...... it's queen with a live version of "we are the champions".

a change is gonna come

this would have been around 1978 or 1979... i called myself a homo named spike.

We lived life from the standpoint of victims. Having an over developed sense of responsibility, we preferred to be concerned with others rather than ourselves. We got guilt feelings when we trusted ourselves, giving in to others. We became reactors rather than actors, letting others take the initiative.....
part of "the problem" of adult children of alcoholics...
from mental health matters

another monday, another week, another end of month, another last month of the year. the cycle goes on, the spiral continues, as the earth moves around the sun. i have discovered myself in new light so many times as these last few rotations have happened. i am more surprised and less shocked with each revelation.

being bipolar, although a lifetime companion, has only just begun be seen and recognized by me. i am now discovering things about myself that perhaps i have never been grounded enough to recognize. i take medicine to counteract the imbalances that flow within me, but i realize they do not erase but a bit.

i can see now some of my patterns. i become inspired, passionate, motivated, and directed in cycles. i have a tendency to make decisions in clusters about tasks and projects i like and will take on. during these times, it all seems so simple. i will just do this and just do that. but then, it's challenging to put the brakes on. i perhaps overestimate my abilities and shortchange my personal downtime.

the flip side of my inspired periods is my overwhelmed or depleted periods. it is sometimes not possible to leave the house for the weekend. this includes not answering the phone, and not interfacing much at all. luckily, it does include napping, but it also includes some overeating and very little exercise.

this cycle has been persisting for a while and i don't think it can sanely continue at this pace much longer. i have to teach myself about boundaries and limits. i'm sure i have them, but i'm also sure i'm not in touch with them. and i believe that this is a new lesson for me. this is part of where i need to guide myself in order to know peace.

this is honestly not meant to be depressing. more so, it is me telling on myself so that i don't harbor this like a secret. and frankly, being aware of this has become a true blessing for me. i can so easily see how i used to use through this. i would party during the inspired times and spin so much that i never really accomplished anything. my brain was twirling too too excessively. and the depleted periods were really exaggerated due to the coming down effect. the fact that i'm not trapped in that same hell i endured for years is grace..

i hope this holiday season brings light forward into this area of my life. my intent is to keep in touch with how i'm feeling and how i'm dealing with those feelings. and i'm curious to see how true to my spiritual program i can remain. i am ready to grow.

back to the original sound choice for today- seal performing "a change is gonna come"