until we meet again

well the final brunch at the rocky mountain roundup 2007 has come and gone, as well as the final speaker meeting. today's speaker was emily and she was the most inspirational for me. she spoke of medicating through sexual abuse and the wreckage left beyond that. and she spoke of learning to accept the situations that life handed her and learning to love herself because of it. and her honesty gave me the permission to reflect on own life with honesty and tenderness. and i cried a little.

i danced like a true warrior on saturday evening for an hour at least. it was quite tribal and very cleansing for myself and many of my brothers and sisters. there was a reason to celebrate and so we did. and i danced. and i met a friend and he offered a gift to me during my personal work on my relationship ideal, just as the power of intention would have it. and it was impromptu. it was sweet. and it was humbling.

at the hiv/hep c in recovery workshop, i listened with compassion as a woman spoke of her brother who has dementia and is probably nearing his last days. she loves to come to men's meetings as her lesbian counterparts don't have the same compassion for someone care taking one living with aids. i know she needed to release her fear and frustration and i was proud to be a part of a space that let her do so.

i led the hike-to meeting this morning and so went up another 1/2 mile and sat in the woods and talked about "the promises". eric from dallas spoke about his guarded disappointment upon his arrival in winter park as the hotel seemed lackluster. he then spoke of his own judgements being way off the mark, as this roundup had completely rejuvenated his idea of what the program has to offer him. he cried as he talked about his fears of going back to his day-to-day life and leaving the spectacular backdrop of winter park and arapahoe national forest. i cried like a baby as he surrendered his fears of speaking his truth.

indeed i am sincerely amazed at the blessings i have in my life. i no longer have to feel about myself, the way i felt before i found this sweet surrender. i no longer have to stay stuck in thinking the horrible horrible thoughts i had grown accustomed to. i am changing. and i am grateful for the opportunity. there is hope. if someone like me can change and find hope, anyone can.