80's ultras

cocteau twins

forgive me please, but i am having another 80's moment. i am not attempting to recreate vh1's "whatever happened to", i am only reliving some of my past. most of my readers will be familiar with these flashbacks, but perhaps there are some new minds and hearts who are too young to be familiar with these 80's ultra's (my nickname only)

in the 1980's (couldn't tell by the hair, could you) there was a band of skilled and slightly tilted musicians (i know it describes hundreds of bands from then) who performed amazing compositions that evoked feelings much more than other bands from that era that i can think of. their style, i believe, has been referred to as dream pop, and their sound is unmistakably their own. a bit of techno pop and a bit of classical set the backdrop for a pastiche of musical genres and styles. and woven amidst all those pieces was some of the most sensual sounds i have heard to date.

i don't try to fool myself that they are completely unique. i'm sure they are not. but i do believe they were inspired as well as inspiring. the live shows i saw were so sensual, it was almost like taking mda or some other drug. the vibe at these venues was peaceful and flowing, kinda like a ribbon gymnast performance.

here's what i found at cocteautwins.com

They were a phenomenon. Not necessarily the kind that plays to stadiums or fills MTV's timeslots or even sells millions of records. Rather, the kind that quietly causes a fundamental shift in perception, exerting a seminal influence that is universally felt if not always seen. Even after having called it quits in 1998—ending a 15-year career together that was impressive by any measure—their mark continues to be recognized everywhere, and legions of fans still hunger for more. But more is not likely to come soon.

In the midst of recording their ninth proper LP as a group—the follow-up to the 1996 release Milk & Kisses—Cocteau Twins decided "enough was enough." Elizabeth Fraser, the group's beguiling, singularly distinctive singer, took her leave and moved away from London to pursue a promising solo career. Her long-time collaborators—Robin Guthrie and Simon Raymonde—continue to focus on their own musical pursuits. Simon's solo work and involvement in developing new talent and Robin's new project, Violet Indiana—along with their successful independent record label, Bella Union—have proven that life beyond Cocteau Twins can be fruitful indeed.

more after the jump

today's sound choice is (of course) the cocteau twins with heaven or las vegas

teach me

"When I'm alone and by myself, I'm out numbered.

I remember the first time I heard about the committee. Someone shared that when she went to sleep, the committee in her head got together and started going over all the things that were wrong and why her life was never going to work out. They collected evidence, put solid cases together, and then reached their decisions. When she woke up in the morning, they handed her their verdict - guilty and sentenced to a miserable life!

there is a pattern here. i haven't quite figured it out, yet. my intention was to consult with a psychiatrist, but i have "forgotten" the last two appointments. i finally just cancelled my future ones because i can't see myself being ready to look into this really and forget my scheduled appointments.

i find that when i have a job, a purpose, a reason to be somewhere, i am basically fine. but when i just try to do something with the only purpose of having fun, or i just do nothing, i spend a good deal of time going around in circles berating myself for ridiculously insignificant things. so any downtime i have, i spend flogging myself mentally.

please, make no mistake, i have a mental health issue. i am taking medication for that and am under a doctor's care. but i think what i am writing about might be something else. i think that i have probably always been like this my whole life. i just always medicated it before. i think i might be glaring at another of my character defects.

i am not looking for validation here. i am not asking for reassurance of any sort. i am mostly just telling on myself. i am speaking out loud that this is a way for me to ask that i recognize this in myself. and i will do the work to be ready to have it removed. or better yet, i ask that i become better equipped to handle these incessant thoughts and find the blessings they offer.

todays song choice "teach me tonight" by amy winehouse

impressions

there is an italian phrase that is used with regard to painting. lillian hellman also published a novel by this name in the early 70's. that novel was later made into a film titled "julia" starring jane fonda and vanessa redgrave. that word is pentimento. wikipedia describes it as:

A pentimento (plural pentimenti) is an alteration in a painting, evidenced by traces of previous work, showing that the artist has changed his mind as to the composition during the process of painting. The word derives from the Italian pentirsi, meaning to repent.

more from wikipedia here

i remember very clearly seeing "julia" when i was young and being completely taken with this description which is given at the beginning of the film. that monologue also describes how lillian felt comfortable on water because the body is 95 percent water and it seemed natural for her to be on a boat or on water.

i have always remembered the idea of pentimento. of evidential changing of one's mind. it detracts in some way the idea of perfect, however, at the same time it indicates procession and development, which is how art and growth happen.

it makes perfect sense to me that i conceive of something in a very specific way, but as it becomes clearer and more real, modifications will happen.

i was sharing a book of monet's works with some clients and i was talking about how perception alters as time marches. if you look at his earlier works such as the first one above, the subjects are clear and well drawn and precise. but as he matures, the focus shifts. the details of individual subject matter fade and the impression of the subject moves into the foreground. how the light is washing, how the color varies by time of day and position of sun. no longer are the intricate details of a face, or a house, or a tree as prominent as the reflection and refraction of the light and the world around them. i think this is one of the most refreshing observations i have had in a while. it seems so true that when i was young, i felt i could see everything. i felt that because i saw a situation, i understood the situation. but as i mature, it becomes increasingly clear that i understand far less than i would like to think. i concentrate more on understanding how my own perceptions might fit into a bigger picture.

i'm including a bit of cocteau twins today. i absolutely loved their sound and their live shows always made me feel as if i had done mescalin. they were very sensual and heady and i always swayed and felt groovy. i think they still sound magical...they definitely left a lasting impression with me.

this mortal coil

wikipedia:

Mortal coil is a poetic term that means the troubles of daily life and the strife and suffering of the world. It is used in the sense of a burden to be carried or abandoned, most famously in the phrase "shuffle[d] off this mortal coil" from Shakespeare's Hamlet.

i just came from the district meeting of the 12step organization of which i am a member. it is a fledgling fellowship here, as so many of the newcomers don't stay. it's a challenging drug to stay free from. having that huge rush of emotions after quitting doesn't make life any easier to maneuver, either.

the meeting was the most boisterous i have seen it in two years. there is a whole new slew of members and everyone participates in the spirit of cooperation and there seems to be an essence of hope and anticipation which i have never sensed here previously. i find myself feeling some excitement and some of that wonder, too.

i witnessed an exchange of conscience tonight in this group. there is someone who was instrumental in bringing this organization to denver who has recently come back in from the spin cycle of use after having left the group with some collateral damage. upon this persons return, i have heard murmurs of concern and innuendo, certainly understandable and human considering the circumstances.

but, that first reaction is not what we are about. we are about extending our hands and expecting the best, even though "the best" may never happen. and we moved to that understanding together in congress after the whole situation, good and bad, was brought to the table. the board rallied and moved toward tradition, naturally and in a heartfelt manner. and i am proud to be on this board. and i am blessed to be reprieved of this mortal coil of first reaction, judgement and of fear, if only briefly.

i really do encourage you to sample the offerings on the menu bar of this vid today. these are among my all time favorite memories of days gone by. the collective of "this mortal coil" offers one of the richest and flavorful sounds i connect with the end of the millennium. made up of a myriad of band members from other successful and influential bands of the 80's and 90's, such as cocteau twins and dead can dance, the music they offered was at once melancholy and inspirational. "song to the siren" and "kangaroo" are two that come immediately to mind. here is what their record label has to say: profile. this artistic endeavor indeed did accompany me in my search to shuffle off this mortal coil.