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Showing posts with label johnny cash. Show all posts
Showing posts with label johnny cash. Show all posts

Saturday, December 15, 2007

christmas in prison


fellow blogger marc olmsted has been helping his friend steven todd publish a blog while steven is incarcerated. the blog is mostly about his life while in prison(for drug related charges) and i'm sure it provides steven with an outlet for expression and a way to help keep him connected to a world outside and one that probably seems so far away.

the truth for me is that i never went to jail. i broke the law consistently while i was using, but i never had to face any legal penalties or was never really caught in the wheel of justice. but steven (and marc for that matter) were snagged by the justice bus, and have been penalized with time away from the world. this is termed by us as rehabilitation, but that is one of the more hollow of terms we use in the u.s. there is mostly survival and very little rehab that goes on these institutions.

i started reading steven's blog in the middle of the year, after i had become acquainted with marc's blog. steven's a good writer, and he is incredibly skilled at including details which add much depth and color in relating the world he inhabits. i encourage you to read his blog. today's entry is especially poignant. i had tagged him with the "7 things I've learned in recovery" meme and he has responded. i think it's portrayal of his daily life is sincerely deep and revealing. i think it's something i will share with the guys in my meth group. many of them are involved in drug court and might appreciate such a reminder of why they are in group in the first place.

i am humbled at the opportunity to share stevens post during a holiday season such as this. it speaks directly to humility and gratitude which are crucial elements to my recovery process. please consider this a holiday greeting card today. and do yourself a favor and read prison's a bitch

Friday, October 26, 2007

hurt




photo courtesy of krijn

the song posted today is on my jogging mixtape and i get to listen to it regularly when i am pushing my limits and breathing deeply. something resonates as truth as i hear the lyrics.trent's lyrics are stark and real. and mr. cash delivers the goods with his expression. truth around addiction and heavy drug use. i always remember how much i used to feel these very feelings when i was using and this does mean over a long span of years. this is very much how my depression would manifest itself in my thoughts. i can't remember the last time i felt this way since i have gotten clean. now i'm just plain emo, but i am not deeply depressed nor suicidal. this small fact is a huge gift and deserves recognition and gratitude. i am overwhelmingly grateful today that depression and regret do not overpower my life today. and i don't have to feel shame for what i have done nor for what i have neglected to do.
the lyrics state "if i could start again, a million miles away. i would keep myself, i would find a way. i honestly believe this has come true for me. never give up.

Hurt
Lyrics by Trent Reznor

I hurt myself today
to see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
the only thing that's real
the needle tears a hole
the old familiar sting
try to kill it all away
but I remember everything

what have I become?
my sweetest friend
everyone I know
goes away in the end
you could have it all
my empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt

I wear my crown of thorns
on my liar's chair
full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair
beneath the stain of time
the feeling disappears
you are someone else
I am still right here

what have I become?
my sweetest friend
everyone I know
goes away in the end
you could have it all
my empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt

if I could start again
a million miles away
I would keep myself
I would find a way



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