blindfold

i was thinking about the common practice i have of putting a blindfold on with regard to certain aspects of situations that enables me not to look at them or deal with them. i have gained quite a bit of lbs this last 9 months or so, i have meant to do something about it, and yet i do nothing. every day as i try to squeeze myself into my spongebob pants, i am mortified for a brief space in time, but then i let it go.

and beneath all this, there is no doubt in my mimd that this shapeshifting is connected to internal upheaval that i am covering up. turning a blind eye. putting on a blindfold. i have become used to living in the dark. so much easier to sweep whatever mess under the rug.

today, i am hoping to put a dent in this shield i have developed. even better would be a crack.

breaking free would be a gift from the gods.



today's sound choice is morcheeba with "blindfold"

winds of change

image credit: windpbase.com

the landscape of gay men's treatment options in denver is changing. those changes may be subtle from the outside, but i hope they are monumental from a less global view.

i am feeling a bit relieved these days. the mile high meth project has been refunded for at least another two years and by at least 3 sources. this pretty much ensures that i will have income for that time period and we will have resources to expand on the ideas we have already started. and we only started the program on a full time basis in august 07.

there has been a shift in the substance usetreatment world/ probation/ hiv treatment arena's inclusion of our agency and our program. being accepted is more than just feeling good about ourselves. it's also is reflected in collaboration and in referrals.

and this is where our niche really comes into play. we do get some of the more challenging cases, and this allows us to offer intervention to guys who might otherwise fall through the cracks.

it also gives us the opportunity to grow into the place to come if one is having doubts and fears about their meth (or other drug) use.

i'm not so pompous to think that we will effect great change with every client, but i do hope just the fact that we care in a more engaged manner, does have a ripple effect in people's lives and psyches.