dance hall days (redux)

this is a repost. i was looking at my stats and saw that quite a few people are hitting on this post. the vid (a documentary about house music in chicago) has evidently expired and is deleted now from youtube. i added a new remix from the brains and soul of frankie knuckles. the song definitely takes me back to my dance hall days and captures a specific flavor of 1978-1981. you could easily say that "it's not over" rang through my head on many mornings after leaving the innerworkings of dancehalls and stumbling out into the morning sun just as a displaced vampire or other creature of the night would do. hava listen and hava fantastic sunday.... i see yardwork in my immediate future. oh and i had already posted a lighthearted vid to make everyone smile.

House music is a style of electronic dance music that was developed by dance club DJs in Chicago in the early to mid-1980s. House music is strongly influenced by elements of the late 1970s soul- and funk-infused dance music style of disco. House music takes disco's use of a prominent bass drum on every beat and developed a new style by mixing in a heavy electronic synthesizer bassline, electronic drums, electronic effects, funk and pop samples, and reverb- or delay-enhanced vocals.

i came across this partial documentary about life very close to my heart in late 70's chicago. this is a good portion of our(chicagoans) soundtrack for 78,79. and its afterlife affirms yet again how influential gay tastes can be.

i remember visiting the warehouse about that time for the very 1st time. one of the things i remember vividly is being one of the few white persons and being aware of it. it caused me to feel uncomfortable and it also raised my awareness of how others in the same position(only opposite) might feel most of the time. that alone was worth the cover charge. but beyond that, i also remember dancing with a freedom that i hadn't felt before. this dancing thing was already becoming truly tribal for me. the body heat alone made for a sauna and the rhythms coming from the turntables as well as the revellers adding their harmonic additions and rhythmic subtexts created a surround sound that was hard to resist.

and of course then there was frankie knuckles. my friend medusa had befriended frankie over the previous couple of years and had developed a true respect for the man and a love for his art form. i was introduced to him while he was in the booth (working 3 turntables i might add) and i immediately was a fan. he was softspoken, he was attentive, he was thoughtful, and after listening for a few minutes and watching these record playing machines transformed into musical instruments right before my eyes, i knew i was hooked. i was never gonna be the same. i met a star that night, and knew it. and i am overjoyed at his continued success and never surprised that he has won another award. and i am always eager to hear another recording of his mastery.

my world was rocked on that visit to the warehouse. and my world has expanded greatly because of the influence of these dance hall days. my views of a culture and of its people were shifted into a more perfect balance then. and i learned to love to dance and celebrate the spirit(both mine and the spirit of all those around me) in a more holistic way. i grew up in a major way that night at the warehouse, and i don't regret one minute. and here is what frankie is up to these days.

howl

image credit: beautiful mag

i have been wondering about how to wear my hiv at this point in my life. i mean i wore it for so long as a scar of some sort or something to hide or a burden even. but time has changed me, and my perspective about my hiv has changed with it. i am now 22 years poz and it really is a part of me. it's not a sideline, it's not separate, but it's integral to who i am.

i guess my question is more about how i carry it. you know, part of me considers it a blessing. i have afforded the opportunity to cross through a ring of fire- or death. i had to deal with that inevitability long before many of the world citizens my age. please understand i know that many deal with this same issue much younger than i as well.

as i approach 50 years on the planet, i find myself becoming a bit more philosophical i guess. i didn't know how to meander as a young gay man growing into my own. so i did what others around me did. and that included many of their pitfalls and many of their misperceptions. and now i am hoping to leave the beginnings of a blueprint for gay men to come so that not every single one must make all the same mistakes. i hope that they might find it easier to get on track if they wander off course if some sort of guideline exists.

it has been said that gay culture is a patchwork of tribes. that there is not one but many definitive ruling tribes. i would agree. we are factioned and splintered. we are special interests. and i also believe hiv poz gay men could easily comprise one of the larger gay men's tribes on the planet. and we, as gay poz men, have an opportunity to create a legacy of wellness and survival that hasn't been written or passed down yet. we already have scaled the walls of self doubt and care. we know what it's like to be in fear of our health, of aging, of isolation, of discrimination. we have had to come through this. many of us have dealt with addiction issues and had to survive and thrive through them.

maybe now we can begin to not only be one of the larger tribes in our gay nation, but act accordingly.

because the night

image credit: declan mccullagh

when i was 16 i ran away from home. well, i didn't really run, but i did. if that makes any sense. i mean, i didn't run although i would have if it was necessary. i couldn't remain living at home sanely. and where i went proved to be no saner, but i was really too proud to say i wasn't smart enough to handle things on my own. and i got myself into some situations that were less than attractive. well, 16 yr old skinny twink who didn't have all his wits about him yet. and certainly wasn't wise to the ways of the world.

there was a drag queen i met who was from chicago and was 2 years older than i. he went by the name danee. and he really took me under his wing after a couple of chance meetings. he was much smarter than i was. and he could hold his liquor a lot better than i could. he lived with a couple of gay guys who actually were a couple - of sorts. they were both doormen at upscale chicago residence highrises. danee amused them and didn't pay rent. they were all heavy partiers and probably alcoholics as i look back.

but at that time, i needed their protection and i needed a place to stay. i didn't care if it was sane or not. i didn't really understand sane anyway.

i'm not sure if i have a point. i was thinking about danee today. she was puerto rican and she used to do a pr accent that had me rolling on the floor. i still mimic her as part of my schtick and i still have people rolling of the floor,too. it's english, but it's english that is almost a different language. it's beautiful and fun and experimental and it opens your mind. it is refreshing to hear my language spoken so differently. same words and not at all and both of those at the same time. anyway, i loved danee like a brother (or sister). and i have a soft spot in my heart for drag queens to this day. in many ways i find them much more brave than most gay men. they say "yes" to pleasure in ways gay men are not able. they kicked ass at stonewall. they broke windows and broke rules. they took beatings and came back for more. they paved the way to freedom for the rest of the sissies. they suffer endless ridicule and endure separatism. and yet they put on a happy face consistently and entertain the troops. and most times they understand secret sadness more deeply and more sensitively than the rest of the glbtq community.

have you hugged a drag queen lately? you might wanna think about it, cuz they could be savin' somebody else's teenage runaway ass this very minute.

my stats shot through the roof this last couple of weeks because i used a photo from google images called "american gay army" for a post back in june, which is being googled like crazy. so i'm getting hundreds of hits per day just because of this photo. and all of it is direct to one of my very favorite posts from a visit to chicago to hear susan kingston speak on her opinion of the current meth situation. a running blog friend read it recently and reminded me why i had felt good about it in the first place- thank you steve -btw

love your way

i thought this was fitting with the earlier post....

some bits of wisdom

some things really are worth singing about...



and then there is the great bear loving clip posted at gay wisdom