dance hall days (redux)

this is a repost. i was looking at my stats and saw that quite a few people are hitting on this post. the vid (a documentary about house music in chicago) has evidently expired and is deleted now from youtube. i added a new remix from the brains and soul of frankie knuckles. the song definitely takes me back to my dance hall days and captures a specific flavor of 1978-1981. you could easily say that "it's not over" rang through my head on many mornings after leaving the innerworkings of dancehalls and stumbling out into the morning sun just as a displaced vampire or other creature of the night would do. hava listen and hava fantastic sunday.... i see yardwork in my immediate future. oh and i had already posted a lighthearted vid to make everyone smile.

House music is a style of electronic dance music that was developed by dance club DJs in Chicago in the early to mid-1980s. House music is strongly influenced by elements of the late 1970s soul- and funk-infused dance music style of disco. House music takes disco's use of a prominent bass drum on every beat and developed a new style by mixing in a heavy electronic synthesizer bassline, electronic drums, electronic effects, funk and pop samples, and reverb- or delay-enhanced vocals.

i came across this partial documentary about life very close to my heart in late 70's chicago. this is a good portion of our(chicagoans) soundtrack for 78,79. and its afterlife affirms yet again how influential gay tastes can be.

i remember visiting the warehouse about that time for the very 1st time. one of the things i remember vividly is being one of the few white persons and being aware of it. it caused me to feel uncomfortable and it also raised my awareness of how others in the same position(only opposite) might feel most of the time. that alone was worth the cover charge. but beyond that, i also remember dancing with a freedom that i hadn't felt before. this dancing thing was already becoming truly tribal for me. the body heat alone made for a sauna and the rhythms coming from the turntables as well as the revellers adding their harmonic additions and rhythmic subtexts created a surround sound that was hard to resist.

and of course then there was frankie knuckles. my friend medusa had befriended frankie over the previous couple of years and had developed a true respect for the man and a love for his art form. i was introduced to him while he was in the booth (working 3 turntables i might add) and i immediately was a fan. he was softspoken, he was attentive, he was thoughtful, and after listening for a few minutes and watching these record playing machines transformed into musical instruments right before my eyes, i knew i was hooked. i was never gonna be the same. i met a star that night, and knew it. and i am overjoyed at his continued success and never surprised that he has won another award. and i am always eager to hear another recording of his mastery.

my world was rocked on that visit to the warehouse. and my world has expanded greatly because of the influence of these dance hall days. my views of a culture and of its people were shifted into a more perfect balance then. and i learned to love to dance and celebrate the spirit(both mine and the spirit of all those around me) in a more holistic way. i grew up in a major way that night at the warehouse, and i don't regret one minute. and here is what frankie is up to these days.

7 things i like about you

image credit: delftboy

today i promise myself to have some fun. i am teaching two classes in the morning and then have a meeting with the hospitals and insitutions committee of an organization to assist with strengthening our ourtreach. there is much to do.

i had an interesting correspondence with a friend yesterday. he was telling me that i am cryptic in my expressions and my writing. he also said that i assume much from my reader about what is perceived about "where" i am at. i had no idea i was so vague. i don't have that intention, but it is probably true. i don't know that i can change, but i will try to communicate a bit better. i know i am always multi-tasking and sometimes when i get to actually typing, my thoughts have jumped on ahead to other things.

mtn angel at eclectic recovery tagged me today and i am thankful for it. but i am going to tweak it a bit (LOL) and call it 7 random things i've learned in recovery. i am also going to tag 7 very wonderful bloggers that are on a similar journey. i believe people in recovery all learn from each other and so perhaps this will be a chance for some of the online recovery community to learn one or two more things about each other and themselves.

1. Link to the person’s blog who tagged you.

2. Post these rules on your blog.

3. List seven random and/or weird facts you have learned in recovery.

4. Tag seven random [?] people at the end of your post and include links to their blogs.

5. Let each person know that they have been tagged by posting a comment on their blog.

here are truths i have stumbled upon....



1) i am not always the first thing on other peoples' minds. this came as a huge revelation, and still sometimes surprises me. i am always the first thing on my own mind. maybe i'll have to get back to you on this one.

2) just because recovery worked a certain way for me has absolutely no bearing on someone else's recovery. i am right-brained and process and learn information in a certain way. other people i have met, process that same information completely differently and still recover. and when i hear another addict spout words like this is the only thing that works, i am reminded that there is not a singular truth.

3) secrets really do make me sick. but speaking gossip has nothing to do with secrets. secrets are guilt that is bottled up. gossip is guilt that is projected onto someone else.

4) not getting high is not the hardest thing i've done. feeling the feelings i am having that moment without changing them is the hardest thing i've done.

5) some mornings i still wake up and cannot remember where i left my shit- wallet, keys, etc.. at least i wake up though. no more coming to.

6) when i stopped running away from who i was, i began to grow into who i am.

7) just being able to look at myself in the mirror without groaning or wincing is enough to stay sober for me. moving past those initial god-awful thoughts i had of myself has been like jean-baptiste being released from prison.

and here are the random 7 tags

1- wayward son

2- the last chance texaco

3- prison's a bitch

4- my journey with aids

5- jeremiah

6- thingmebob

7- brian finch

dance hall days

my last entry of dance hall days was so much fun for me. i actively remembered a time when the world was still spinning for me and life was much more carefree. that post was lovingly posted and published on icp. i encourage you to check it out and support the carnival of pozitivities. i love the carnival and i really love it's mission, which includes a much more global personal view of hiv/aids.

my dance hall days did include using drugs and alcohol, but i don't remember that as being the focus. i was also learning about relationship, about community, and about possibility. being around so many different people with so many different backgrounds and so varied interests, my interests and the possibilities i could see for my life expanded too.

it was a time in my life to test the waters, test the rules, reject the status quo and redefine for myself the rules i would try to live by. i had been "out" for about 6 years and really perceived that i had hit the jackpot. i had found a subculture that would work for me because it embraced difference(to a degree), it questioned authority, and it celebrated self-expresion and creativity.

underground was just that- hidden from the mainstream much like avalon. it was the beginning of alternative culture and spawned many different variations of that theme. punk, goth, mod, skinhead, all those subcultures rumbled across the cities like wildfire. all demanding discernment from each other, but all seemingly interconnected.

today's entry into dance hall days is a classic from the late 70's/80's. it wasn't played in all the clubs i frequented. but it was heard in the off-the-beaten path ones(where i had the most fun). it is a classic to me and is connected to early techno. slam-dancing was not unusual then and neither was this thing we called-kick dancing. and please note that the images cut to this song are banal, but i chose it for the song.

and don't lyrics like... let's make love- before we die- really foreshadow some things that were to come? (again, in the vid menu bar, there are other versions.. grace jones... trent reznor with peter murphy live(damn good!).

dance hall days

every once in awhile, i do a post with this title. dance hall days were incredible. they were the celebration before our collective ship hit that iceberg. 1980-1983. that's when our titanic sliced her belly, started to submerge, and the evacuations began. that's when it all changed. that's when we saw the panic, the lifeboats, the heroism, the cowardice, and all the rest of the tales of mice and men. that's when history moved. i do remember the joy. i remember the colors. i remember the joie de vivre. i remember the laughter.

so i go back to those days now and again, because i loved so much of my life then. and because i need to remember. i took them for granted. i thought those glory days would last forever. and i know since i have foolishly done many unattractive things to try to keep those days alive. but they drifted into the mists like avalon with so many lost in the undertow along with them. and i now know that there is a morning after.

this sounds so somber and it's not my intention. i do hold sadness when i remember these days. but i hold joy along with it. my laugh was lighter then. my stride was gayer, and my heart was much more open.

so i arrived at melancholy place because i was surfing youtube and i came across this vid. omg- sharon redd performed at medusa's in 1983 or 84(can't exactly remember). she was talented. she had been a backup singer for bette midler and had then gone out on her own. she had a few hits. i had a blast with her when she performed with us. i do remember a little drama at the end of the "evening" which i think was actually 8 or 9 am. we did trip the light fantastic back then. i witnessed drug induced paranoia which i had never seen before, but would experience first and second hand in the years to come.

sharon left our world in 1992, i believe. it was aids-related. she earned her place at my table of memories. she was a warrior, just like so many i know. and she left our world a better place with the gifts she shared with us.

i encourage you to look at some of the other clips offered on the menu bar of this vid. "beat the street" was a sound i remember really loving at the time. but i chose this one for it's absolutely quintessential 80's flavor.

i wouldn't trade those days. can't anyway, but wouldn't if i could. i am so thankful i lived in and remember my dance hall days.

dance hall days

this posted video is really pretty lame, but i am using it because this song was the shit at medusa's for a whole season. ministry is from chicago and they were just gaining momentum in popularity. this song was transitional from a more synth-pop style to the hard core style they became known for. i remember this was a lotta fun to dance to and hearing it makes me think of those dance hall days. ba ..ba ba.



complimentary ministry ringtones here

well I live with snakes and lizards
and other things that go bump in the night
cos to me everyday is halloween
I have given up hiding and started to fight
I have started to fight

well any time, any place, anywhere that I go
all the people seem to stop and stare
they say 'why are you dressed like it's halloween?
you look so absurd, you look so obscene'

o, why can't I live a life for me?
why should I take the abuse that's served?
why can't they see they're just like me
it's the same, it's the same in the whole wide world

well I let their teeny minds think
that they're dealing with someone who is over the brink
and I dress this way just to keep them at bay
cos halloween is everyday
it's everyday

o, why can't I live a life for me?
why should I take the abuse that's served?
why can't they see they're just like me
it's the same, it's the same in the whole wide world

o, why can't I live a life for me?
why should I take the abuse that's served?
why can't they see they're just like me
i'm not the one that's so absurd

why hide it?
why fight it?
hurt feelings
best to stop feeling hurt
from denials, reprisals
it's the same it's the same in the whole wide world

if i remember correctly, which is questionable, the year was 1983. goth was really just making its first swing into fashion. punk, per se, was almost conventional by that time, but the "something black something earring" look was just taking hold. anyway, goth was an attitude, and the lyrics here really spoke to the isolating, dark, and brooding attitude that was so much in vogue. as a matter of fact, i am pretty sure that there were a few years in the mid 80's that one just didn't wear anything but black. it was everywhere.

it made sense too, cuz we were all in mourning. the gay plague was creeping in. so many gay boys were going to carousel- (that's a vague logan's run reference- if you haven't seen the film- please do). anyway it was a time for black. and a time for feeling like an outsider. and this was just about the time, perhaps a year prior to, i started developing my first glimpse of a substance use problem. cocaine seemed to be so easily gotten then. it seemed like everybody i knew (and didn't know) wanted to hang out in the club and free bumps were an easy ticket in.

dance hall days

i am including a shot of christian for his hairstyle only. no other inferences are intended. the hair is a beautiful example of 80's hair to me. a little highlight, a little product, and accessorized with maybe a dangle earring. (although, we didn't call it product then, we called it gel)

there is an excerpt here from life or meth which has stuck with me since the first time i read it. following that, i am attaching to one of the big dance hits from medusa's circa 1983 because i think it's completely apropos. this was definitely a cult hit because it is a very universal tale. i get goose pimples every time i hear it. and i remember how it filled the floor with boys who were shaking loose their secret sadness.


this passage defines precisely the message i hope to begin to leave as a gift for the gay men to follow me. come out- be who you are- but before you start the party and celebrate your sexuality and freedom, take the time to heal the wounds and scars you bring from all those years of deception, lies, and character assassinations. shine a light on them. don't hide them. this will hopefully help you lead a healthier and happier life.

Yyou have a lot of young gay men coming into the city; they were the nerds in high school, the wallflower, the ugly kid. They feel the city is the place to be sexy, to be a star, and they get a false burst of confidence with a drug like this."
~ John Cameron Mitchell [Director]

March 2003. John is 21, and arrives in New York anticipating that a climate of tolerance and acceptance awaits. He is typical of gay men the world over who have long flocked to the metropolitan cities to be less visible and to congregate with others like themselves. However, we arrive and establish our own gyms, clubs, shops and cafes - ghettos - and bring with us all of the emotional scarring, guilt and shame that we attached to our homosexuality in our formative years

John's first experience of New York's commercial gay scene, therefore, far from being inviting, is mostly unfriendly, indifferent and intimidating because almost everyone, it seems, is projecting their internalised homophobia and insecurities at everyone else. Gay-identified men who grow up in loving, accepting environments often find it difficult identifying and mixing with complex, baggage-heavy men, tending either to avoid socialising where gay men converge or lead fulfilled lives away from the psychological assault course posed by the scene.

In such environments, fear reveals itself in over-inflated egos and attitude; the degree to which individuals reinforce their delusions about what they think they are. Some people are so lost in their fantasy world of denial and illusion that they have difficulty discerning even the most basic truths, or to accept the glaringly obvious even when it is staring them square in the face.

"The power of both illusion and delusion should never be underestimated. The compulsion to believe in something we need and want to be true, rather than see reality for what it is, can at times be astounding."
~ Gary Younge [The Guardian]

Despite its immense ugliness to grounded, balanced people who have their egos in check, attitude is merely a person's automatic defence mechanism to the inner pain, guilt and turmoil that arises from the loss of a connection to the heart centre and separation from love.

"If one drops denial, one will see that falsehood, manipulation and distortion of truth cater prevalently to man's lowest propensities and pervade all society."
~ David R. Hawkins [The Eye of the I]

dance hall days

a little backtrackin this morning. i watch this and get all oogie inside thinking about the clubbin days and the "pirate" mentality so many of us had back then. party, pillage, plunder. and adventure. come to think of it, i might have held on to that mindset a little too long. and when i see this clip, i also wonder who came first- ian or steven tyler? nonetheless- i do love this song and the memories of dance hall days.....

dance hall days

MEDUSA'S MUSIC HALL CHICAGO 1982-1992

i love visiting chicago- my hometown. i can't help but be reminded that in 1982 in chicago, some friends and i helped our friend get his after hours club open. it took a lot of our energy and time and took on an importance in our lives suddenly. a commitment we never expected. seems like we lived and breathed those dance hall days. i have been in chicago barely 24 hours and i am flooded with memories and melancholy. my best friends still live here and i still love them madly. we have all changed, and we are all still the same. and when we start bringing up the adventures - girls gone wild- the temperatures in the room rise as does the volume. not quite superheroes, we were definitely stunt persons. we came, we saw, and we remember (at least most of it). although i'm pretty sure blue remembers it all- she has a memory like a steel trap.

you know, i have to laugh when i think about just how left wing and on the edge we were back then. we broke rules, we took chances, we said yes to pleasure more often than not. hedonistic and culturally inclusive, we did make a small mark on the complexion of culture in our little burg. and we had an effect on some we didn't even know

here are what a few of us are up to now:


sharon schittbaum

medusa

rodney

bluzilla

unfortunately- velvet, mark stephens, todd tennenbaum, bruce bliss, rik, patrick, and many more moved through to the vip dance hall in the sky. and i miss them with regularity and remember them lovingly.

i totally adore my days-gone-by chicago crew and may drop some more thoughts about them while i'm here.




meanwhile, i was attending an all day seminar at the new glbt center on halsted. hanging from the ceiling in the theatre was my best friends panel from the aids quilt. it took me by surprise and i got a bit emotional. i hadn't seen it since the early 90's when i went to see the whole thing unfurled in dc. his sister made the panel. she always made me laugh. my true darling- paul pfohl. i was flooded with memories of him, our days in the hood, our fag-filled attempts at guerilla perfomance art, and the last year of his life - 1985. that last year was a very tough time for me. it's the same year i tested positive. i was a traumatized idiot and self-medicated through most of the process. i loved paul pfohl though, and still do. it was a blessing really to see that panel.


ahhhh.......this memory lane is filled with tender mercies....
might as well kick it. here's another great memory from those dance hall days.