dance hall days

this posted video is really pretty lame, but i am using it because this song was the shit at medusa's for a whole season. ministry is from chicago and they were just gaining momentum in popularity. this song was transitional from a more synth-pop style to the hard core style they became known for. i remember this was a lotta fun to dance to and hearing it makes me think of those dance hall days. ba ..ba ba.



complimentary ministry ringtones here

well I live with snakes and lizards
and other things that go bump in the night
cos to me everyday is halloween
I have given up hiding and started to fight
I have started to fight

well any time, any place, anywhere that I go
all the people seem to stop and stare
they say 'why are you dressed like it's halloween?
you look so absurd, you look so obscene'

o, why can't I live a life for me?
why should I take the abuse that's served?
why can't they see they're just like me
it's the same, it's the same in the whole wide world

well I let their teeny minds think
that they're dealing with someone who is over the brink
and I dress this way just to keep them at bay
cos halloween is everyday
it's everyday

o, why can't I live a life for me?
why should I take the abuse that's served?
why can't they see they're just like me
it's the same, it's the same in the whole wide world

o, why can't I live a life for me?
why should I take the abuse that's served?
why can't they see they're just like me
i'm not the one that's so absurd

why hide it?
why fight it?
hurt feelings
best to stop feeling hurt
from denials, reprisals
it's the same it's the same in the whole wide world

if i remember correctly, which is questionable, the year was 1983. goth was really just making its first swing into fashion. punk, per se, was almost conventional by that time, but the "something black something earring" look was just taking hold. anyway, goth was an attitude, and the lyrics here really spoke to the isolating, dark, and brooding attitude that was so much in vogue. as a matter of fact, i am pretty sure that there were a few years in the mid 80's that one just didn't wear anything but black. it was everywhere.

it made sense too, cuz we were all in mourning. the gay plague was creeping in. so many gay boys were going to carousel- (that's a vague logan's run reference- if you haven't seen the film- please do). anyway it was a time for black. and a time for feeling like an outsider. and this was just about the time, perhaps a year prior to, i started developing my first glimpse of a substance use problem. cocaine seemed to be so easily gotten then. it seemed like everybody i knew (and didn't know) wanted to hang out in the club and free bumps were an easy ticket in.

dance hall days

i am including a shot of christian for his hairstyle only. no other inferences are intended. the hair is a beautiful example of 80's hair to me. a little highlight, a little product, and accessorized with maybe a dangle earring. (although, we didn't call it product then, we called it gel)

there is an excerpt here from life or meth which has stuck with me since the first time i read it. following that, i am attaching to one of the big dance hits from medusa's circa 1983 because i think it's completely apropos. this was definitely a cult hit because it is a very universal tale. i get goose pimples every time i hear it. and i remember how it filled the floor with boys who were shaking loose their secret sadness.


this passage defines precisely the message i hope to begin to leave as a gift for the gay men to follow me. come out- be who you are- but before you start the party and celebrate your sexuality and freedom, take the time to heal the wounds and scars you bring from all those years of deception, lies, and character assassinations. shine a light on them. don't hide them. this will hopefully help you lead a healthier and happier life.

Yyou have a lot of young gay men coming into the city; they were the nerds in high school, the wallflower, the ugly kid. They feel the city is the place to be sexy, to be a star, and they get a false burst of confidence with a drug like this."
~ John Cameron Mitchell [Director]

March 2003. John is 21, and arrives in New York anticipating that a climate of tolerance and acceptance awaits. He is typical of gay men the world over who have long flocked to the metropolitan cities to be less visible and to congregate with others like themselves. However, we arrive and establish our own gyms, clubs, shops and cafes - ghettos - and bring with us all of the emotional scarring, guilt and shame that we attached to our homosexuality in our formative years

John's first experience of New York's commercial gay scene, therefore, far from being inviting, is mostly unfriendly, indifferent and intimidating because almost everyone, it seems, is projecting their internalised homophobia and insecurities at everyone else. Gay-identified men who grow up in loving, accepting environments often find it difficult identifying and mixing with complex, baggage-heavy men, tending either to avoid socialising where gay men converge or lead fulfilled lives away from the psychological assault course posed by the scene.

In such environments, fear reveals itself in over-inflated egos and attitude; the degree to which individuals reinforce their delusions about what they think they are. Some people are so lost in their fantasy world of denial and illusion that they have difficulty discerning even the most basic truths, or to accept the glaringly obvious even when it is staring them square in the face.

"The power of both illusion and delusion should never be underestimated. The compulsion to believe in something we need and want to be true, rather than see reality for what it is, can at times be astounding."
~ Gary Younge [The Guardian]

Despite its immense ugliness to grounded, balanced people who have their egos in check, attitude is merely a person's automatic defence mechanism to the inner pain, guilt and turmoil that arises from the loss of a connection to the heart centre and separation from love.

"If one drops denial, one will see that falsehood, manipulation and distortion of truth cater prevalently to man's lowest propensities and pervade all society."
~ David R. Hawkins [The Eye of the I]

beautiful

if you are struggling with your drug use, or with your life without drugs, please know you are not the first and you are definitely not alone. it is a challenge, this trek back to sanity. but it does have a payoff. more than just one payoff at that. stick with it, ask for help, take it easy, and talk about it, whenever you can. spend time with someone who understands. and forgive yourself. that's a really great start. it's a fucking tough climb, but it is worth the effort. don't get high. you've already done that. doing the same shit only brings more of the same shit. try something different. you're worth it.

BEAUTIFUL Christina Aguilera
Uploaded by avajra

dance hall days

a little backtrackin this morning. i watch this and get all oogie inside thinking about the clubbin days and the "pirate" mentality so many of us had back then. party, pillage, plunder. and adventure. come to think of it, i might have held on to that mindset a little too long. and when i see this clip, i also wonder who came first- ian or steven tyler? nonetheless- i do love this song and the memories of dance hall days.....

impeach cheney?

wow- i got moist just typing those words. i picked this up from ron hudson's blog. i guess dennis kucinich has introduced some legislation that makes good sense. it is independence day after all damnit! there are many common themes in this post and this video. abuse is probably the most glaring. if it were lindsey lohan, britney spears, or brad pitt, we would be driving the papparazzi to hound them insatiably, but since they are only world leaders and drive decisions affecting our economy we don't seem to give much of a damn. or are we just whipped into submission and apathy?




from 2sides2ron

Representative Dennis Kucinich has introduced H. Res. 333

The news here is not that Rep. Kucinich has introduced legislation to impeach Vice President Dick Cheney. It is news, in my opinion, because it is time to bring the secrecy, deception and agenda of the office of the Vice President to light. The fact that President Bush has stepped in via an act of extreme cronyism to commute the sentence of Scooter Libby only shows the extent to which this administration will do anything to hide its secrets. Since they will not allow justice to be meted out in a way that holds all Americans equally under the law, it is time to hold them accountable.

I urge House Speaker Nancy Pelosi to put impeachment of the President and Vice President back on the table for this Congress' agenda. I ask that my Representative David Price support House Resolution 333 to impeach the Vice President. I ask that my Senators, Burr and Dole, do the same if any such resolution makes its way to the Senate. I ask someone to be bold and to introduce impeachment proceedings against President Bush. It is time for the opposition to be bold. The administration has surpassed bold and moved right into brazen.

If you want to see Vice President Cheney impeached, please contact your Representative in the US House and ask them to support HR333. You may also ask them to introduce legislation to impeach the President. Representative John Conyers, House Judiciary Committee Chairman, has similarly indicated his intention to intensely scrutinize Bush Administration policies and the actions of the President and Vice President. You may want to contact his office to ask for his support.


Feel free...all of these people work for you and they are setting examples for all Americans, especially our kids, on how we expect our government to work.

posted by Ron Hudson at 7:09:00 PM |


i can easily find the strength to say goodbye to mr cheney in public office. your day in the sun may need to close. it's time to let others shine.

thank you to fagat guide for their post today, too. it made me smile. fagatguide

and subsequently, hello to you mr potts. i wholeheartedly support your reach for your dreams. you inspire me. and i gain hope from you making it through to the next round.

say goodnight gracie

time to head home.... but at least i know i can come back and visit chicago again.

recovery road

i came across this blog in my travels. a sane and zestful excursion he creates.

recovery road

dance hall days

MEDUSA'S MUSIC HALL CHICAGO 1982-1992

i love visiting chicago- my hometown. i can't help but be reminded that in 1982 in chicago, some friends and i helped our friend get his after hours club open. it took a lot of our energy and time and took on an importance in our lives suddenly. a commitment we never expected. seems like we lived and breathed those dance hall days. i have been in chicago barely 24 hours and i am flooded with memories and melancholy. my best friends still live here and i still love them madly. we have all changed, and we are all still the same. and when we start bringing up the adventures - girls gone wild- the temperatures in the room rise as does the volume. not quite superheroes, we were definitely stunt persons. we came, we saw, and we remember (at least most of it). although i'm pretty sure blue remembers it all- she has a memory like a steel trap.

you know, i have to laugh when i think about just how left wing and on the edge we were back then. we broke rules, we took chances, we said yes to pleasure more often than not. hedonistic and culturally inclusive, we did make a small mark on the complexion of culture in our little burg. and we had an effect on some we didn't even know

here are what a few of us are up to now:


sharon schittbaum

medusa

rodney

bluzilla

unfortunately- velvet, mark stephens, todd tennenbaum, bruce bliss, rik, patrick, and many more moved through to the vip dance hall in the sky. and i miss them with regularity and remember them lovingly.

i totally adore my days-gone-by chicago crew and may drop some more thoughts about them while i'm here.




meanwhile, i was attending an all day seminar at the new glbt center on halsted. hanging from the ceiling in the theatre was my best friends panel from the aids quilt. it took me by surprise and i got a bit emotional. i hadn't seen it since the early 90's when i went to see the whole thing unfurled in dc. his sister made the panel. she always made me laugh. my true darling- paul pfohl. i was flooded with memories of him, our days in the hood, our fag-filled attempts at guerilla perfomance art, and the last year of his life - 1985. that last year was a very tough time for me. it's the same year i tested positive. i was a traumatized idiot and self-medicated through most of the process. i loved paul pfohl though, and still do. it was a blessing really to see that panel.


ahhhh.......this memory lane is filled with tender mercies....
might as well kick it. here's another great memory from those dance hall days.