learning to read tea leaves

I have glanced into tea leaves,
and found a forest.
Tea is all in a moment,
and a way of life.
It is recollection,
and attention to Nature.
A murmur of the breeze through the trees of Autumn,
and the warm of the hearth.
Silent mornings at home,
when rain streaks the windows’ panes.
If you analyze tea, you’ll find chemical components,
but not a hint of Life.
Analysis is achieved through concentration,
Synthesis arrives through relaxation.
Tea relaxes the stomach,
but it revitalizes the Heart.
~Tim Maxwell

find this post and other blog posts with tea quotes  here  tea leaf image and tea leaf reading instructions here

yesterday afternoon i went with friends to a small shop in suburban forest park to a darjeeling tasting. i have only become a tea drinker about 6 months ago. i gave up coffee for a couple of reasons- i was experiencing intestinal issues and i was starting every day with a vanilla latte and it was seriously contributing to a weight gain issue. i couldn't see giving up the lattes because i really didn't enjoy the taste of coffee. i did enjoy the warm liquid every day, but the flavor of java must have gone down the rabbit hole with alice.

i have been drinking tea ever since.and even though i loved vanilla in my lattes, i am not a flavored tea fan. i much prefer the black teas or the oolongs to the chai or spiced or herbals. so the opportunity to learn more about darjeeling ( a well-known and lovely black tea). so when the opportunity to learn a bit more about my new found path popped up, i jumped at the chance. the shop is charming as one would imagine a suburban tea shop. plenty of hermetically sealed bags lined up on shelves with different varietals and samplings from around the world. small pots on the shelved in front of the bags allowed for savoring the aromas of the dried leaves. it was a subtle sensory extravaganza. it's said that our sense of smell is only able to discern about 3 scents at a time, after that our smell is useless without a rest in between.

the darjeelings were i tried were soft and thoughtful. they didn't overpower any of my senses. sipping warm liquid from a glass cup and catching up with old friends. it was a perfect autumn afternoon. the shop is quaint (at least) and family run. bill todd seems quite adept at regaling stories and nuances of loving tea. the selection is substantial, and you can order online. here is a little about todd and holland of forest park.

For the serious tea drinker, once introduced to fine teas, there is no turning back! As a child growing up, Bill Todd often drank iced tea with his English grandmother. She liked her tea strong. It wasn't a proper iced tea until the spoon would stand up straight in the glass. For young Bill sugar was the answer. Spoonfuls of sugar made the tea go down. As the years passed iced tea became his drink of choice served with many spoonfuls of sugar in each glass.

In the late 80’s, Bill tasted choice rare teas for the first time. He couldn't believe the difference. These fine teas needed no sugar to make them enjoyable. The teas were full-bodied. Their aromas were superb and their astringency was pleasant and refreshing, not harsh and bitter as were the teas of his youth. Thus began one person’s adventure exploring the wonderful world of tea. After several years of seriously studying tea, Bill launched Todd & Holland Tea Merchants in 1994 with a web site and a mail list. In 1996 Todd & Holland moved into a charming white brick building in River Forest. The store had a quaint kitchen for cupping and preparing teas, floor to ceiling tea shelves and room for many functional tea accessories.

Since then Bill has made many tea pilgrimages to China, Taiwan, Tibet, and Japan. Janet and Marianne have enjoyed attending shows in several countries looking for new and different teaware.

more about todd and holland teas here 

back to the art of reading tea leaves... i don't understand much about this really. i am just currently interested with the onset of this visit to chicago. i can sense that i am seeing a glimpse of something. it feels strange and weirdly emotional. i can't predict the future, but i can foresee some change. perhaps i'm being vague. well there is no perhaps about it. the leaves at the bottom of this cup have displayed a message. that's the easy part. the true challenge is walking through what i see. 

today's sound choice will hopefully seem flavorful, rich, and steeped in tradition. and it seems a perfect sunday morning choice. i have out of town this weekend and can't continue the "back to mine posts". hopefully you will fall in love with lauryn hill as i have.... here she is with "a change is gonna come"



 Share

on the game

Life consists not in holding good cards but in playing those you hold well.
-- Josh Billings

i arrived in chicago without a hitch. it is wonderful to see my dear friend once again. we caught up a bit late last night and i imagine some of the same will happen today. what is overwhelming me right now is the sense of wonder that i am steeping in. i woke up and have realized that there are so many things that this beautiful person knows about me already. i don't have to explain, pretend, or define much of who i am. as with my family, he has been there when things were magnificent and he has been there when things were less than bleak.

not once has he indicated that i needed to do more (that i can remember) nor has there been a time that he has shunned me for who i am. (thank god, because i have done enough of that myself). perhaps what is the most staggering is my experience of just how accepting people can be. not all certainly- it wouldn't be that special if that were true- but indeed some people just are. knowing this, living this, and experiencing this part of life is worth the obstacle course that is required to get here. 

there is a saying i love to throw around almost as if i wrote it- which ain't the case. it says that we don't get dealt a hand that we cannot play. now that i think of it, i must sound quite pompous when i use it. note to self- find a new line... however i believe it. i think that this life is our gameboard, playing field, video game... whatever. we don't get to redo. we don't get to erase- although not for lack of trying. so it becomes the way of the warrior( borrowed phrase) to breathe good and life into our own path. if life hands you lemons, get some sugar, egg, and flour and make lemon squares for heaven's sakes. or just ice and sugar and try lemon sorbet. at least that's the working draft i have.

this business of good friends, old friends, and past history can be daunting. there are so many folks here who have seen the parts of me that are very hard to look at. at times, i know i would rather not be seen because i will perhaps see myself then and not as i am now. the sobering (pun) truth though, is that i am both. the biggest mess and the advocate. those very real, garish, and painful years were necessary to lead me to the mindset i have today.  that is the hand i have been dealt. my shift in perception with age is that there is more to life than 1 or 2 hands. it is a succession of hands all connected. keeping that focus eases immediate discomfort. and i am no longer playing to "win" because staying in the game has become "winning" for me.


sidenote- there was a time when i used to think my calling card should have been a queen of clubs... now i am completely content to be part of the game and have a visible heart....

In the game of life it's a good idea to have a few early losses, which relieves you of the pressure of trying to maintain an undefeated season.
-- Bill Baughan

listening to today's sound choice is just as lush for me as drinking pomegranate juice. a little sweet, a little tart, but smooth and memorable. here is deadmau5 featuring kaskade with "i remember"

Share

a chill memory

the more things change, the more they remain the same. this is not so very true and yet it is. i have been kickin at my house this weekend, cooking, reading, listening to music, and just being. i have things that need to be done, have worked on a few, but have also just laid back a bit.

i am falling in love all over again with cooking. too bad cleaning up doesn't come along with that, but i can't have everything. (or maybe i really do) this business of chillin has it's advantages. i took a power nap. i saw a couple of films i had been wanting to see. i spoke with a couple of friends. and i am making stuffed squash. i haven't had it in years. it reminds me entirely of my friend nunzio.

nunzio was a character, at the very least. he was smart. he was funny. he was driven and entrepreneurial. he came from a restaurant family in detroit and had moved to chicago in 79 or 80. when we met, he was a barista in an afterhours espresso bar on broadway in chicago. that was a very new idea back then, and he fit in perfectly. he then opened a little cafe further north on broadway called "nunzio's." this is the first place i had his stuffed squash. i had miso for the 1st time there as well. he made great easy food and was able to network like very few people i ever met.

to continue with his saga, he hooked up with my friend medusa and opened a bar a few blocks further on broadway called "the orbit room".(defnitely check these pics out). it was a modern tavern. nunzio  had even driven to michigan to retreive a huge retro neon sign that he had known about to use at that club. it was very 60's, very identifiable, and very urban chic. the sign (and the bar) became so trendy that they were used for a scene in "miami vice" or some other michael mann production.

nunzio then paired up with cal fortis and opened a more upscale restaurant called "angelina." it was in the same space that cafe nunzio had been. it became a huge north shore hotspot and planted him even further on the map. it still stands i believe and is still going strong and a portrait of nunzio's grandmother hangs in the dining room. but a very  sad piece of this tale is that his hiv infection was spreading and was gettting the best of him. i don't believe he was really in a position to enjoy the fruits of his labors. but then again, i don't think that's why he labored. i think he was truly a marketing artist. he loved what he did. and he did what he loved. and i loved him the whole time i knew him. and i never forget his spectacular food that he made. 

Nunzio's Stuffed Acorn Squash (by memory only)

1 squash sliced in half, de-seeded, and  baked at 350 for 40 minutes.
sautee mushrooms, onion, garlic, and zucchini slices in olive oil until al dente.
season to taste with salt, pepper, italian seasoning, red pepper or cayenne..
toss veggie mixture with parmesan and stuff squash.
serve heated (or great for re-heating for lunch, etc)

today's sound choice is yello with "to the sea"

remembrance of things past

“When to the sessions of sweet silent thought I summon up remembrance of things past, I sigh the lack of many a thing I sought, And with old woes new wail my dear time's waste: Then can I drown an eye, unused to flow, For precious friends hid in death's dateless night, And weep afresh love's long since cancell'd woe, And moan the expense of many a vanish'd sight: Then can I grieve at grievances foregone, And heavily from woe to woe tell o'er The sad account of fore-bemoaned moan, Which I new pay as if not paid before. But if the while I think on thee, dear friend, All losses are restored and sorrows end.”.. William Shakespeare

an old friend reconnected on facebook on sunday evening. i loved the process, but it certainly brought melancholy with it. the days of our friendship were the early 80's and those times are so bittersweet. i met her while i was working at a restaurant called "tango" which was in the belmont hotel on lake shore drive in chicago. she was bartending at a sister restaurant called the brewery.

i believe we became fast friends. she was beautiful, she was very creative, and she was quite fashion forward. she was into the b52's, the clash, laura nyro, and marianne faithful. these were not typical pastimes for the contemporary women i would meet. i found her fascinating and compelling. so did many others. she quickly developed a following at her bar and her social calendar was fairly full.

we developed a clique that morphed into a sort of street gang. we didn't get into fights or spray graffiti. our style was more internalized. we drank lots and read books- mostly lgbt literature- and would have mini-salons and get together to discuss what we read. this morphed into being visible with what we were doing, so we adopted a uniform and took to the streets, quoting kerouac and woolf on street corners just like pentacostal preachers -only without the soapbox.

as is the way, our lives changed. jobs changed, apartments changed, lovers changed, and interests changed. but the moments that were will always be. i am happy to have heard from her- gotta love facebook for that alone- and i wish her well. loved her dearly- allways will. a few of those faces are smiling no more. but it is sweet to remember..

today's sound choice is the ting ting's with shut up and let me go...

The Ting Tings - Shut Up And Let Me Go
Uploaded by regregister123456.

at the boathouse

Try not to get worried
Try not to turn on to
Problems that upset you
oh Don't you know
Everything's alright
Yes everything's fine
And we want you to sleep well tonight
Let the world turn without you tonight
If we try
We'll get by
So forget all about us tonight

i spent a few hours today at a memorial service for a friend. it was quite cold and a little breezy which was felt as we were at the boathouse at washington park. several friends talked of their experiences and memories of her. almost all of them cried and brought a tear or two to my eyes as well.

but i think that when her husband spoke, i teared the most. he has been through so much. he himself has been on chemo for several years and then had to nurse his ailing wife through breast cancer, a double mastectomy, and then was at her side as it spread to her spine, her hips, and finally her brain. at the service, he didn't spend time talking about what was. i guess he's been through that already. instead he spent his time saying his goodbyes and sharing some of the more tender moments of the last year with his audience.

then his two daughters, (her step-daughters) shared about this woman that they didn't care for at all who had moved into their lives as a stranger and had become an important confidant and anchor for them. their words broke my heart open, as i realized how most of us probably don't realize what a profound affect we have on others' lives as we are too busy with our own insecurities. then they read a poem that she had kept on her mirror that was about cancer being an unwelcomed guest.

i had a teary afternoon. it was filled with some of the most tender moments i can remember. again, i feel blessed in my life. and i am filled with hope and understanding.

today's sound choice is everything's all right from "jesus christ superstar"

unbelievable

“The more you praise and celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate.” Oprah Winfrey

one of my best friends came to town yesterday. he got tickets to hear one of his friends perform with the london symphony chorus at the boutique newman theatre at du. the chorus consists of 100 singers. they usually do outreach to perhaps two american cities a year. can you imagine the airfare and hotel bills? the show was superb. very intimate and sometimes emotional. the program was verdi's requiem. my friend (blue) and i went out for supper after the music. my friend g joined us. we chatted, laughed, swapped stories and reacquainted. grilled artichoke and colorado peach and date crisp ala mode stand out in my memory as being especially tasty. as well as my friends faces.

today the friend from london and his partner, vic and andrew, and blue and i will take a drive to vail, have some lunch, and then head back to town. it is vic and andrew's 23rd anniversary, so we have a late supper planned at rioja.

i don't think i have to mention (but will anyway) that legalized marriage is not required for long term happiness. but perhaps it is required to level the legal and the financial playing field a little.

things are really good today. almost unbelievable.

i gotta get through this

it's really very interesting right now. i am not employed full time, yet i seem to be quite busy. i am actively trying to rustle up articles for the next SIN newsletter. and i still have to write my column.

My life is changing just as quickly as i type. there definitely is a new life waiting in the wings, and a plethora of new experiences.i only have to hold faith. somehow i am feeling blessed with the volunteer work i am doing. in my post today, i am including an article that one of the guys of SIN has written because i think it explains one good reason why i feel expanding gay men's hiv community in denver is so important. i met this young man at the UB2 in january. when he told me he had just found out his status last september- he won my heart. here is what he has written. at 27, he strikes me as exceptionally aware. it's not a short read, but i believe it merits the time it takes. i hope you agree.

The Second Closet


As for someone who has been diagnosed with HIV for less than a year, it hardly seems appropriate that I would be writing on life as a young, positive gay man. In fact my HIV knowledge was so low before that when my doctor walked in the room and confirmed that I was indeed positive, the first thing I thought was "I am going to die; maybe not today and maybe not tomorrow. But in 20 years, I will definitely be dead." Luckily it only took me two days to get in to see the specialist. I quickly learned that a healthy lifestyle and proper medication management would be my tools for a normal life expectancy. Essentially, I now had something like diabetes.
But I did not feel like a diabetic person. I felt much worse, much more embarrassed, and definitely ashamed. I dreaded the idea of telling my family. I had no clue which friends I could trust and rely on. I secretly met men over the internet that were in the same shoes, many of whom were older.
"There will be a time when you don't even think about it anymore," one guy told me.
"I wouldn't recommend telling anyone!" a different guy warned. "And don't tell anyone about me!"
This was indeed one of the most confusing times in my life. Yet it all felt too familiar. I kept wondering where I had heard this kind of stuff before. And then it hit me: I was in a second closet. Only this time I would not be a gay kid trying to open up to a heterosexual world. Instead, I would be an HIV positive man trying to find acceptance in a gay world.
From an outsider perspective, this doesn't make sense. The gay community is supposed to be not only accepting of this disease but extremely supportive. There are fundraisers, galas, walks and balls galore to benefit HIV. So why would someone feel such shame and the need to go into hiding for a second round?
I definitely do no not know the answer to this, but I seem to witness it on a regular basis. Many of the men I met on-line discussed the topic of disclosure. Some of these guys hid their status from their families. Others talked about how it should be kept out of the workplace. One guy even kept it secret from his closest friends, gay or not. He advised me to not tell any sexual hook-ups as well as to wait at least six months to tell anyone that I meet. I even saw trends like this when my HIV negative boyfriend had to tell his volleyball teammates that he would be missing the next game. Like a wave of the magician's hand, he easily distracted his peers to avoid any mention of the HIV community forum we would be attending. His intentions were to respect my privacy. However it also felt like he was trying his best not to "out" me.
From my own personal observation, the second closet seems to occur more in the younger generations and newly diagnosed persons such as myself. Pretty much all of the men I met that were above the age of forty were out and honest about their status. Some even spoke of their HIV as a badge of honor and survival. And in a way, the long term survivors are kind of like those who have been to war. Although the battles may have been different, certainly watching your peers die could have felt the same.
"Being in the closet about HIV is an insult to those who have died," one man told me over some Chinese food. "Guys do not know how lucky they have it now with these medications. We weren’t so lucky then. And now they have the balls to hide it? It is offensive!"
Even though his view point may have been a bit extreme, I couldn’t help but kind of agree with him. Prior to my diagnosis, I didn't really know anyone with HIV, especially in my age group. So when I found out I was positive, it all left me feeling lonely. Suddenly I was the child on the playground that no one wanted to play with because he had cooties. This train of thought can’t be healthy for anyone living with disease.
Younger generations function on a different level than older generations. Whether we like to admit it or not, people in their twenties and thirties are much more concerned with image. We work harder to get laid than we do to put money in our 401k. Young gay men are definitely no exception to this. Some proclaim that they do not care what people think because they worked hard to accept their sexuality and come out of the closet. Ironically, these are some of the same guys who desperately hope that others see the Prada label on their shirt while at the bar.
It is human nature for us to receive social gratification from one other. As Charles Cooley described it in his theory of the "Looking Glass Self," we view ourselves as how we think others perceive us. And we would be naive to think that the stigma of HIV does not run any risk of social rejection. If any of us experience this rejection, no doubt we would internalize it and feel even worse about ourselves. So it seems blatantly obvious as to why someone would stay in this closet.
Even though the closet may offer some level of safety in a social aspect (and probably a better sex life), it essentially just causes an ironic cycle of stigma. When one person gets diagnosed, they feel the shame of the stigma. They then go into the closet and do not talk openly about their status with their gay peers. This reduces the amount of awareness which then sends the message that HIV is not prevalent in our community. This also sends the message that someone should feel shamed when they are diagnosed. So when another guy finds out he is positive, he ends up feeling even more alone and scared. Therefore he enters the closet and the cycle happens all over again. To make matters worse, individuals who lack any support systems are more likely to turn to dangerous resources in order to cope such as drugs or even suicide.
But does coming out about our status really help reduce the stigma? It certainly seems like it. Again, it appears to really parallel itself with coming out as being gay or lesbian. There was a time when only a few persons were "out" about being gay. These were the elephant freak shows of society. But the more people opened up about their sexuality, the more strong social advancements were made. And today, the ones who reject homosexuality can often be seen as their own little freak shows.
Other cities perhaps are proving this as well. I have heard stories of far off lands with names such as "New York" or "San Francisco" where there is so much awareness about HIV that people in the community do not even care if you are positive or negative. You just are who you are (as long as you have a six pack anyway). Granted, Denver is no New York or San Francisco. Our city may have grown a lot, but we still have a small town attitude towards a lot of things. Our gay community is just as guilty of this, whether we like to admit it or not.
The community has done an amazing job at raising money towards programs and non-profits related to HIV. But now is the time to start raising social awareness in order to reduce the undeserved stigma of this disease. And social groups like Strength In Numbers is a great place to start. This way, people do not have to go into hiding when they hear what may be some of the worst possible news of their lives.
I personally may have not had a whole lot of time with HIV. At his point, I still kind of feel like I am dancing with the devil. But that will stop only if I take the steps to stop it. I know I can continue to attend any SIN events in order to gain more comfort with my positive status. Talking to other guys (especially around my age) can only help me feel normal again. And with that, I can obtain the courage to be honest with my fellow gay man and not enter the closet for a second time. I can show that if HIV can happen to me, it can happen to anyone. I may receive some criticism along the way. But if I can help just one other person not feel like a freak, then it will be worth it.

As a much more hiv-experienced man, i believe that so many of the guys with survival time like me have so much to offer these young men, and for us to expect them to make this journey on their own is unthinkable. i don't want to tell men like him how to live with this, just be available in case he needs a shoulder or a hand and remind him that indeed surviving AND thriving can be done. i mean, this alone shapes a truly priceless reason for me to have come this far, n'est ce pas?

meme, myself, and i

image credit: marc olmsted

spanks to chris at texaco for paintballing me with the meme.

The Rules:

Post 5 links to 5 of your previously written posts. The posts have to relate to the 5 key words : family, friend, yourself, your love, anything you like.
Tag 5 other friends to do this meme. Try to tag at least 2 new acquaintances so that you get to know them each a little bit better.

family not intensely family focused but more than i usually like to share about them in blogville. there are references to different types of families though. i love them dearly and need them in my life.

friend(s) with six you get eggroll. (how's that for an obscure reference?)

myself pivotal post for me. i learned how to be subtle and be honest and to edge my way from the stance of victim. this was an important part of that lesson for me.

love
the sounds of silence.

dealer's choice this was my first post to be published on other sites. i am proud of it, as it represents a rite of passage of sorts. i admire susan kingston immensely and was blessed to meet her and speak with her. and the gay army photo has caused me to get thousands of hits from all over the world. they keep coming, too, btw.

so my tagging process starts. i am choosing all new acquaintances today. i hope they play.
lexx there is something about him that feels familiar somehow.
geoff i really don't know much about him at all.
babz crazy dirty bitch is all i can say.
victor definitely more than meets the eye.
captain goldstar a quiet yet staunch supporter.

you're gonna save me from myself

it is the thought that counts!

someone i have come to admire online has emailed me roses today. and he is right, it's the thought that counts.

strength in numbers

SIN is an international organization for hiv positive men that was started in los angeles by a guy named bryan levinson. it is a social organization that lends itself to being more than just a pick-up mechanism. there are parties, kaffe-klatches, dinners, movie nights, dinners, and more. and i think there is some hooking up that happens, too. after all, boys will be boys. or more appropriately, men will be men.

the denver chapter has eluded me. i joined the organization earlier this year and have received many notices of all these events, however after about march, any particular details about the wheres, the whens, and the other details have never come in the emails. and i had resigned myself that perhaps the organization may just not be for me.

but i also happen to co-chair a committee for the planning council to the mayors office of hiv resources, and having input from members of this organization could and most likely would be beneficial to at least one person in SIN and definitely be good for our committee. so i have been wrestling with a dilemma. how do i invite these men to participate or become part of the process i am in, without interfering with the general function of the group itself. to clarify, are all these guys aware of all services available to hiv positive persons in denver? do any of them have needs that are not being met? can our committee facilitate a change in any regard to this? do you know where to go if you need help with insurance continuation? are your dental needs taken care of? do you struggle with depression?

anyway, a friend on the committee who joined SIN independently was reiterating the same frustrations about the information dissemination of this group just last week. i assured him that the guy who was coordinating the activities had recently moved and probably just busy.

then i opened up my email this morning to this:

It is with deepest regret that I announce the death of Chuck Lane.
Chuck died on Monday, August 13, 2007 of a stroke.

There is going to be a celebration of Chuck's life at the residence
of Rodney Allen's parent's house. Rodney is Chuck's ex-partner.

If you would like to attend, the Celebration will be held on Sunday,
August 19, 2007 @ 0900Mountain. The location is: etc,etc, etc

this mail was then followed up with this from Bryan Levinson:

Thank you Joe for letting us know this incredibly sad news. I had
the fortune of speaking with Chuck on the phone a number of times as
he started up SIN Colorado and built it into a successful and active
poz social group. I'm really hurt by the news. He was an incredibly
sweet caring guy. Poz guys everywhere have lost a truly great friend
in Chuck.

Let me know what, if anything, I can do as well as what guys in SIN
around the world can do.

i am humbled at how quickly things can change and how little i really know. i also am in admiration of anyone who extends themselves in anyway to bring people together and throw light in a dark place. especially in denver, it is not easy to meet other poz men, and so SIN offers a really important breath of fresh air, and the fact that chuck used his energy for a greater good is admirable. my hat is off to you chuck lane. thank you for expanding the possibilities in my life.

and i offer a salutation, because you were a soldier in the fight to survive and thrive with hiv. i thank you because it can be a tough battle at times.

tag- you're it

richard kearns at aids-write has tagged me and so i participate. random facts. random facts. let's see.

there is a little history of tagging if you click on the title of this post.




i "came out" in 1974 on my 16th birthday. it was more a declaration of independence than anything else. i remember feeling as if i had just joined the foreign legion and would have a life filled with adventure. i also remember feeling that i had joined the band of brothers who celebrated an expression of self while one marched to the beat of a different drummer. i lost this particular exhilaration during the first gay clone fad in 1980. this august 26 will herald 33 years of being an out gay man. (check out finetune playlist "around 1974" in sidebar).



my first trip to paris was riddled with visits by ghosts. we had an apartment on isle st. louis and i had trouble sleeping most of the 7 nights we were there. one even tapped me on the shoulder one night asking me to come and play. it was very druid-like or something along those lines. i woke up to a hooded figure standing over me motioning for me to go through a holographic doorway. naturally, i did. (btw, i hadn't started doing tina yet, so i wasn't tweaking).



i used to date a boy named todd thennes (pronounced tennis)- he loved christmas and absolutely loved decorating christmas trees. we gave him the nickname todd tennenbaum. he decorated most of my friends xmas trees long after he and i disbanded. he was sweet and saucy. we all miss him very much. my friend david left the last xmas tree he did for his house up for 10 years (ewww yes), only just taking it down this past june.



i was very drunk after a 3 martini lunch at the walnut room at marshall fields in chicago. the two friends i had lunch with and i all stopped in an adult bookstore in the loop and there was a one-legged man in one of the stalls in back. i most definitely picked up on some secret sadness in that booth and proceeded to give him a knob job. it was really silly, but it was something i felt i had to do. my friend bruce bliss was scandalized. he told that story about me until the day he died. my friend blue seemed to take it all in stride.




i won 2 spelling bees in my junior high and both ended me up on the local television show. the second year (8th grade) my mother gave me money to get a haircut and i spent it all playing pinball, so i gave myself a haircut. of course i seriously botched the job. i had definitely begun to learn how to work her nerves.



one of my best vacations was on a bare boat charter in palau. we were cruising the rock islands and the weather was absolutely perfect. there were 5 of us snorkeling in coral arch and reveling in the beauty of the nature there. we threw line overboard, caught a snapper, and had the very best sashimi i have ever had (or probably will have) in my life. the next day we snorkled in jellyfish lake. it was formed by limestone structures separating the water from the ocean and the jellyfish have evolved to be nonpoisonous. to get to the lake, one has to climb up about 100 ft of very slick limestone and then scale down the other side to the lake. to get out is the opposite action. the really crazy thing was that at the foot of the limestone, in the middle of the ocean, was a woman's red high heel just laying there. really in perfect condition.



one of my favorite meals is grilled vegetables- portobello mushrooms, beets, turnips, peppers, eggplant, served over fresh spinach with balsamic, olive oil, sea salt. this meal makes me very happy......grilled beets and portobello make me smile.




my friend blue and i spent about 2 hours circling a small area in prague looking for a gay bar listed on the map. the city was laid out in 1100 ad and is not a grid but more like a honeycomb. we kept finding ourselves at the same dead end spot and we couldn't seem to figure out why we couldn't find it. after circling for about 2 hours most of the grappa we consumed after dinner had worn off, we managed to look up when we found ourselves in the same spot again. we were in the correct spot it seemed, just about 100 feet down a straight-up ravine from where we needed to be. we ended up having a blast that night. actually we loved the whole time in prague.




when i was managing medusa's chicago, i used to have the pleasure of taking the entertainers to dinner. i got to take esg, the violent femmes(gordon gano was cool) sharon redd, and divine. divine was really pretty sweet and ordinary. he was very unassuming and well mannered. he noticed what most of the women around were wearing and commented on them. i remember admiring his lack of ego.

so i am tagging lorenzo, staggo, and firehorse. if you've been tagged already, please forgive me. just send me the link to that post. cheers...