twacked

i had forgotten this clip. this is my brain on tina.

dear god-

i can't go back there. please don't let me. there's no way i'll survive.

warrior scout

homo test

are you gay? CLICK HERE to take the test.

friday the 13th

happy friday the 13th. so many urban legends and tales of terror. but for me there is one of hope. this morning i am adding a new segment to my morning workouts. currently, i have been doing 4 days of cardio at the gym in the morning before i shower and head off to work. i have been talking with a friend and we have decided to jog a couple of couple of mornings in city park as it is very close to both our homes and we may have a chance to catch up now and again. it's nearly 5am and i am getting ready to head out the door for the first go 'round the park. i am not typically a runner, but i did run while i was at the miami roundup- early in the morning, too. it was a beautiful wakeup to run along the beach and watch the sunrise.

today, i am leading a presentation to the ryan white treatment community on msm, drugs, and hiv. i have pulled the presenters together, and i am planning on incorporating some of my personal experiences into my piece. the most compelling for me is the piece about engaging the client in working with the provider in helping others. this is a direct correlation to a 12step principle and in my case, it has added immense value back into my life, where there had been zero self worth at one time. addiction blows a hole in the soul. i tell my clients that i think i had lost my heart. i couldn't find it when i was "in my cups". and recovering people need to find "a place to put their hearts" in order to really start to enjoy life again. and it has allowed me the grace to find purpose in my hopeless struggles. (thank you again, universe)

the spirit of the ryan white legislation calls for the inclusion and the participation of hiv plus individuals at all levels of treatment. as a matter of fact, it is mandated at the city and state administration levels, i.e planning councils. and it used to be the same in most hiv/aids community organizations. sadly, i don't think this is the case any longer. this is most likely due to the advent of the cocktail. but i think the idea of including the patients in the treatment process on an interactive level is high minded and forward thinking. we are the ones who have to make treatment work in a real time environment. and we do hold some very important keys to the solution.



jim carrey

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xanadu

recovery is xanadu for me baby. so strangely enough, i am going to salute roller boogie today. i know it's kinda kooky and that's okay. viva la perm. and all hail to things that shimmer and glitter and to olivia newton john.

and if you are short on ideas for fundraisers- this is one that has been working for some folks... just have a xanadu sing-along roller skating party. it's goofy enough to work. and bring on the disco clothes. you know folks love that! drug and alcohol free works,too.

big smiles for you... and lots of love..

here's the article


Rolling back the clock
Tina Fineberg © Acciated Press


Clothing line suits 'Hannah' style
Style briefs, June 28
Rolling back the clock
By Samantha Critchell, Associated Press
June 28, 2007
Dust off that satin bomber jacket and pull on those tube socks - right to the knee, please - then delve into the attic on a mission to find your roller skates: Xanadu is opening on Broadway this month.
Could this be the start of a roller-disco redux? Before you shake your head in disbelief, consider that Macy's giant Herald Square store in New York City plans a "Roller Boogie"-themed in-store boutique, leggings already have become ubiquitous, and gold lamé had a presence on the red carpet at the Oscars this year (a Carolina Herrera gown worn by Jada Pinkett Smith).

Sure, the 1980s might very well be the most maligned fashion decade, but many of its key looks are being worn today - maybe those wearing sorbet-colored tube tops and white-trimmed jogging shorts simply don't know that those pieces had their first heyday as accessories to old-school, four-wheel skates.

At a recent preview of Xanadu, a musical based on the 1980 movie starring Olivia Newton-John about a muse who encourages a starving artist to pursue his dreams of building a roller rink, the cast wore metallic leggings, graphic T-shirts and barrettes made of woven satin ribbon.

That was all to be expected.

But what was particularly noticeable was the mint green dance dress, yellow track jacket and hot pink metallic shoes on a woman in the audience - she could've jumped onstage and blended in seamlessly.

"We're definitely seeing '80s as the latest retro influence, from high-waisted jeans to super bright neon colors to big hair and the return of perms - spotted on both males and females," says Carla Avruch, director of consumer insights and trends at market research firm The Zandl Group.

She points to bands with an '80s throwback sound, such as I Love You but I've Chosen Darkness, '80s-themed nights at clubs and the success of American Apparel, a company that's made tiny, shiny workout shorts cool to people who were probably in diapers when the trend was worn the first time.

Andy Young, a 30-year-old actress, puts on her shortest shorts and miniskirts a few times a week to skate at Central Park in Manhattan.

"It's like a mini little show," she says. "The more fun we're having, the more other people want to join us - and it's reflected in the clothes."

Russell Orlando, a fashion director at Macy's East, says the Let's Get Physical craze was in full swing in the early '80s - both in fitness and in fashion.

"Shorts were skintight but everyone was doing Jane Fonda," he says.

At American Apparel, designers didn't overanalyze the how and the why of bringing back roller-inspired fashion, they simply saw Roller Boogie - a 1979 movie in which Linda Blair tries to save her favorite on-wheels disco - one too many times.

"We became obsessed with that movie," Matthew Swenson, the company's fashion media director, explains. "On a whim, we also bought lamé fabric and turned them into leggings, and the gold and silver took off."



Rink and file

Roller disco clothes should be kept to small doses. How to get the look right:

On wheelz partie_Archos_
Uploaded by sebbouchair

• Focus on finding the shape.

"The inspiration I've taken from the '80s is the general silhouette," says Stacy Bendet, founder of Alice + Olivia. "A high-waisted pant - you can be completely elongated by it. Skinny jeans can be sexy," she says. Try black legwarmers tucked into black or brown boots and worn with a black sweaterdress and black leggings, she says.

• A pair of Dolphin shorts can go a long way. While the roller disco look is flashy and even sometimes skimpy, it's always neat. If you wear short shorts, consider a looser top, perhaps a blousoned halter, or a bodysuit, which, although tight, provides a lot of coverage. If you want to be more subtle, a T-shirt and flouncy miniskirt can give off the '80s vibe.

• If you remember the '80s look from the first time around, act your age. Macy's fashion director Russell Orlando describes the modern version of the '80s look - camisole-strap bodysuits with a front cinch detail, tie-back halter tops - that his store is mimicking as "East Coast preppy meets Venice Beach." The preppy details are the pink-and-green color combinations and slim polo shirts, styled with the collar up, of course. Women who don't want to wear tube tops and short shorts can still go for pieces like a track jacket and a pair of low-profile, contrast-color sneakers.

• Don't take it all too seriously. Orlando is excited about stocking wide headbands - the kind worn horizontally over the forehead - and tube socks. "What we're saying is have fun!"

Olivia Newton John - Xanadu
Uploaded by guy-paul

experiments with drugs

i know this has been posted around before but i find it funny, albeit not in a be kind to animals way. and here's an interesting background story to accompany this.

don't be a crack bitch

wee gays

oh you kidz......

rainbow connection

so it's back to a more normal schedule i hope. i haven't really processed the last two days of pride events, but i do think that they were successful on a coupla fronts. firstly, i think that most of the volunteers really enjoyed themselves. and they were almost all in recovery and so for them to be able to participate in pride events and maintain their sobriety without being overwhelmed with sketchiness is a miracle. and they really did a great job. i also discovered that sponsoring a recovery "chill" corner or hangout is a great idea. there were about 10 or 20 folks hanging out at our spot on both days. safe harbor. and feeling connected.

and i think that we did get some visibility as a new option for gay men in denver. i am unsure about the extent of that, but it is a start. and we are grateful for that. and hopefully more tweakers will know that they have more options available and will somehow feel a bit more connected as well.
so i had posted earlier this weekend about how i was still lookin.


this is a response- someday i'll find it....

Blondie and Kermit - Muppet Show
Uploaded by bbclipper

celebrate and maintain recovery in pride...... a double dutch affair

today is officially the day of pride celebrations in denver. and i believe that for gay men in recovery, this day holds quite a bit of anxiety. and to celebrate and participate publicly in pride is like jumping two ropes at once. here is how i plan to ease that tension. the rocky mountain roundup pre-parade meeting is at 8:00 am and the parade starts at 9:30 and travels from cheesman park to civic center park. there, mile high meth project has set up a booth with a game called "knock it off" to act as outreach. we are the first gay men's treatment program in denver that i am aware of. and i am less than humble when i talk about it. but i digress. the game is a pretty simple game really. you just have to knock over 6 stacked plastic cups by throwing a ball. if you knock them all off you win a t-shirt that has our logo and "wanna get off" in huge letters. yesterday was family day at the festival. we had a line 4 deep all day trying to win those shirts. they love that shirt. guess the outreach is working somewhat. hopefully people will remember who we are and what we do. you get a rubber bracelet that says the same thing or a pen if you don't knock them all off. people seem to enjoy themselves. especially the lesbians. and lesbians all know gay men with meth issues.

we also set up a talking wall somewhere else on the festival grounds. it is 24 feet long, covered in white butcher paper and we are posing questions like "why do we use crystal meth" and "what has meth done for you lately", and "is hiv relevant". multi-colored markers are available in buckets hanging from each end of the wall. we went through 3 lengths of paper yesterday. Even the cops and the security guards were talking to the wall.

i have also been announcing at meetings that if anyone is at pride festivities and starts to feel uncomfortable, or squirrely, or out of place, that they can come to either of our venues and chill and have safe harbor. i remember what it is like to try to be around pride activities when i was first getting clean. i had no idea how to feel safe or normal at all.

today, i am going to feel proud that i have tried to take my struggles and turn them toward the folks in my vicinity. this has given my journey some purpose and some value. and i am going to try to laugh and smile the whole day ( we'll see if that actually lasts- it's going to be 100 degrees).


but i am learning that there is always a way for me to get what i need. backtrackin today with frankie smith. c'mon - get on-

Gays of Thunder

Makeovers at the track

superelectrokoolaidcaca

and may i ask for which particular party circuit this sister dj's for? and i love that creepy crawly kitty dance.

i got wood

.
i am beginning the construction for tina's talking wall today. i got the wood for the actual wall and ideally i would like to paint those out white. but more importantly, i need to work out the support mechanisms that are going to keep them standing while 100,000 people pass by- hopefully with several thousand stopping to actually write down a thought or two. so it needs to be sturdy and simple.


i'm proud of the work i do. but i may be in need of some new boundaries for myself. i think today is a great day for some time out. laughter might be a necessary nutritional supplement today. if only i didn't have the whole day scheduled for service work...(i'm trying to figure out where the job ends and the recreation begins?) i guess i'll just have to pray on it. hope you find time to have some fun and get a good laugh in.

The Fluffer

Posted Sep 13, 2001

When studly blue movie star Guy momentarily runs out of steam, it's Adam McCarthy (Professional Fluffer) to the rescue.

i got wood!
then wow- splooge actually followed by credits.... novel concept lol.

i think i'd rather be kissed

 

i have been thinking about kissing today. and that probably does have something to do with the fact that i haven't done it in awhile. i watched the  mtv movie awards last night. will and sasha certainly yukked it up with regard to  2 men kissing as did adam and that guy from king of queens. i guess i just don't think it's that funny anymore. as a matter of fact, i really like kissing. at least with the right person. always have. i mean don't get me wrong, i certainly have admired other activities (and still do).  fun guy with big cock  (don't even think this ad belongs to me) but i do love dating, kissing, being kissed and being listened to ,rather than being fucked, fucked over or being fucked with.

 

funny how time has changed things in my life in this regard. thank you universe for that fact. it was what it was, but i am happy it has gotten to where it is now. here's a little buble - have a lipsmackin' day!

...Thing Called Love
Uploaded by kympa

cherish

it's so crazy, this crystal meth addiction trip. the absurd ways i used to spend my time and energy were astounding. gawd, i remember(not really clearly) 4 years ago while in the throes of my addiction, i was sharing a tent with a hooker at skid row in LA, and hustling tricks to bring to her in exchange for drugs so i could get high. i'd watch her knobjob sometimes, but it was usually as dull as dirt. that lifestyle also served as a twisted form of performance art for me. the thrill of the catch and the sell were the hook for me. if i could convince some dude to bite, it would almost be a high in itself. and then during the day, i would set up a little blanket(my store) outside the fire department on 6th and san pedro and sell what shit i had left to my name. i had to price everything for $1 or less because the locals wouldn't pay anything more than that. this really was a challenge, but i managed somehow. i did sell some brand new kenneth coles for $5, various shirts and blazers and socks, and my software collection. one day i actually sold some half-used deodorant for .50 cents, which i was very proud of at the time. how i ever convinced anybody to purchase previously used deodorant is beyond me. i had to hawk that shit, and all that theatre with just one purpose, to get high and push the envelope and see how far i could go. that was a regular day for me 4 years ago.

today, i find myself feeling a bit out of sorts because my things are all in disarray. my townhouse is being painted (lovingly, i might add) and so nothing is where it was 2 days ago. the color is sublime. i can't wait for it to be finished. next come the floors. so i find myself a bit miffed by the inconvenience and conversely not bothered at all. because i know, that compared to 4 years ago, my life today is a hot fudge sundae with a cherry on top.

and speaking of cherries, someone forwarded a link to me that is full of eye-candy, so i thought i would share that with you today. it's got lots of photos and it's fun to move the cursor over the small shots. WITH A CHERRY ON TOP


i also heard yesterday that the proposal for the crystal meth "talking wall" that i submitted to pride committee was accepted and i'm a tad freaked because i have only three weeks to pull it off. and i'm hoping i can channel the where-with-all AND the volunteers. this idea is taken from a chapter in the cirriculum we use in the "getting off" program. originally it was an "installation" produced by the STOPAIDS project in SF in 1996 i believe.
you can check out a sample of the original here: THE TALKING WALL


hopefully you won't mind indulging me a little. sometimes i just feel like a nut. there's something so innocent and so cheesy about this, i realize. it's like early animation. it's not that stellar, but it's fascinating and kinda mesmerizing to watch.

http://www.addme.com/#1